Birthdays Are An Acceptable Reason To Eat Cake

Age is only a number, right?

I have been having a week full of angst over my upcoming birthday. Turned 30 - no problem. Turned 40 - not thrilled, but I lived. 45 - I was already in a crappy marriage, so I wouldn't have noticed a small thing like a birthday. Explain to me in logical terms why 47 is upsetting to me. It's not even a milestone birthday. I feel a bit ridiculous, but I think this year's birthday is bothering me a little bit. Maybe it's the realization that 50 is coming, maybe I'm just depressed  - it could be a million little things.

Don't get me wrong -my life is pretty amazing most of the time. I have absolutely loved every single minute of the past year since late June. I have taken these incredible trips, met fantastic people, reunited with all sorts of past relationships, and developed into a confident woman. This birthday is just a little itch under my skin and I just want to scratch it until it goes away. I have threatened to remain in bed all day, creating a blanket fort, and taking a coloring book and crayons with me. Ok...let's be realistic. It's more likely that I would stay in bed and take several books with me, and a lovely bottle of wine. Yet, it's there. The anxiety over this year's birthday.

I went out tonight after work with my friend Rachel, and I did buy myself a birthday present. Nothing extravagant, just enough to make me think happy thoughts. I think I have decided that I can have a birthday, but maybe if I don't think about the age portion, I'll do better. Upon reflection, I think the thing is not that I am turning 47. I honestly think that the part that bothers me is that Jess will be 25 this year. What. The. Hell. How is that even possible? She was just born yesterday...or that's how I see it.

It's time to embrace all of it. My age, my spirit, my aging daughter...just because that's all happening does not mean I am in the twilight of my life. The best stuff is beginning. I am a young looking 47. There's that. I have hit my stride. I am more confident now than I have been in over 30 years. I have some things I want in my life. I know the people that make me smile, and that I can depend on. I have to remember that there are things worth waiting for. I need to quit trying to speed things up. Even in fairy tales, the happy ending is on the last page.

So, on April 6th, think of me for a minute, and know that I am going to be just fine. I promise. And - if you want- take a minute and send me a message. It will make my day.

Thank you.
Until we meet again,
Angie

Grasp the Who's on First Experience and Don't Let Go

Returning from vacation blows. There is no easy way to say that. This is exponentially increased when the vacation you are returning from is like heaven on earth.

I have always dreamed of going to Hawaii. I never in a million years thought that it would even be a possibility. Here's the key - never say never. Anything is possible. I have experienced a lifetime of firsts since my Independence day in June of 2014. It's kind of the thing that drives me. Life is too short. Live it like today is your very last day. I am not saying to go out and do something stupid, but those dreams? Go get them.

In 9 months I have done some pretty awesome things:

1) First and foremost, I walked away from the thing that was dragging me down and making me miserable. I could have stayed, and become some Stepford wife...but why would I want to? I had a conversation with someone very important to me and I realized I had never been truly happy in marriage #2. It was means to an end. I have not looked back.

2) I moved into my own apartment. I have never lived physically alone. Emotionally, I have done it twice. I never looked at it as scary, always with that glimmer of excitement.

3) My personality and my confidence level changed. I became the person I always knew I was underneath - not some scared, shy little girl unwilling to take a risk. Today I am ready to take on the world.

4) I flew to New Hampshire by myself. I had flown one other time by myself, but this was different. I was filled with anticipation. This culminated in New York by the trip's end. I visited several states on this trip: New Jersey, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Maine, and New York. I think we drove through another state also - I want to say it was Connecticut. I also saw the Atlantic Ocean. So many things on this trip were firsts. I saw a Broadway show, visited the Empire State Building, rode the subway, ate at a magnificent restaurant, visited Walden...I could really go on here, but I know I've written about this trip before. I also met some incredible people.

5) Another state visited was Utah to see my amazing Jess. Being able to see her in a stable, loving environment is all I have ever wanted. Seeing it filled me with joy. Some incredible sights on this trip also.

6) Sunday adventures. Never would I have believed that you could have so much fun by yourself. I enjoy the outside adventures the most, but give me something worthwhile to explore indoors and I'm there. I enjoy sharing these adventures with my FB friends.

7) Duffy's December Festo event allowed me to join him toward the end of his trip in Orlando, Florida. I got to meet more incredible people. For a girl who used to shy away from social events, this was a huge stepping stone. It also allowed us to go to Disney World. We visited Epcot and I had my first foray with Moroccan cuisine. Delicious! Second day we visited the Magic Kingdom. Isn't this everyone's idea of Disney? The evening's events were indeed magical, capped by the best fireworks show I have ever, ever seen. Standing there watching this I felt like a little girl.

8) December was a fantastic month all around. Experienced a wonderful Christmas with the Thomas family, and spent some fun filled experiences with Duffy. I got to spend time with both my parents to celebrate family. Nice way to cap off the year.

9) Normally January is the most stressful time at Blue Cross Blue Shield, but this year? Calm. I also had found a new sense of internal calm.

10) February brought a trip to New Hampshire for the best way to spend a weekend. Rest, relaxation, brownies (yes, I am still obsessing on those), and tons of fabulous movies. Best part? Movies that I brought for the majority had never been seen by Duffy. I sandwiched that trip in between snow storms. I got out of New England right before another round of snow.

11) Said trip to Hawaii. So many firsts. I even carried the new experience seeking a step up. I tried a few foods that I have never eaten before. I had tripe, octopus, and many fruity umbrella drinks that I have always seen, but never drank. I became Champion of the World when I went from the Hot Tub into the Cold Plunge pool. Think the Polar plunge. The first day, I was the only one to go all the way in, but did not go underwater. You'd of thought that would be sufficient. Nope. Day 2, I decided to go big or go home. I went all the way in and dunked. Honestly, if you make it to the bottom, going under is not that much more. I think because I did it twice I gave Duffy the motivation to do it. He said that as long as you did it all at once and didn't hesitate, it wasn't that bad.

The Hawaii trip is one that will stay with me for a lifetime. I was able to spend fabulous time with Duffy, his sister Sandi, and her boyfriend John. Sandi and John are terrific companions to adventure with. Vacation rules of not eating at chains or places that we have at home? Done. These two wonderful people are the ones that made the whole thing a possibility. I am forever in your debt. Also, I think the soundtrack of the Volcano State Park trip will never, ever be forgotten. I laughed at some of the music, but sang along to a majority of it. One of the best road trips I have ever had. Sandi- I think we need a shopping trip sometime to make up for the one we missed. John - I'm sorry you didn't catch a big fish. That would have been amazing. I hope the remainder of your vacation is truly wonderful.

So many firsts. One would think I could sit back and breathe for a while. One would think...

I'm looking forward to my next adventure. One day at a time, riding an incredible wave, and seeing where it takes me - my life is extraordinary!

Until we meet again,
Angie