Peter Pan Syndrome

It’s been a while. I think it’s like riding a bike – I’ll just climb back on and go like hell.

My last post came from a difficult time. I lost a dear friend, and it shook me to my core. I wanted to shut off so I didn’t hurt. Actually, I had done that one other time in my life. At least with Robin, I knew it was coming. With Debbie, she just had a heart attack, and died. I turned off emotionally for a long time. I just didn’t care. It was way easier just not to deal, not to feel, not to care. I was completely numb. I didn’t realize it for a while. Finally, I broke through that shell – just in time to experience all the pain of my first marriage ending. Swell.

Fortunately, I recognize those parts now. Instead of shutting down, I pushed through. Now my mind is focused elsewhere. The title? I think maybe it’s time to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I don’t know that the “growing up” part is going to happen, but wanting to know what I can see myself doing with my life – that’s a big one. The desire to learn and grow has always been there for me. I am not one to sit still and just do a mind-numbing job for eternity.

 I have a good job. This is not said as a slam on my current employer, or my current position. It’s an extension of the explorer within me. Where can I go? What can I do? What limitations do I possess? I’m not sick, I have a great attitude, and learn easily. There are a thousand things rolling around in my head that I could do. What am I not going to do? I refuse to live with regret.

So, what does that mean? Honestly, it means a lot more thinking. Planning. I am at this crossroads for a reason. Where will it take me? I don’t know yet. I am looking to others for inspiration, and maybe watching their success will push me even further than I have ever dared possible. There’s a great big world out there. Waiting. Watching.

Pretty soon, I will spread my wings and soar with the eagles.

Until we meet again,

Angie