Stop and Smell The Roses

2016.

As much as we’d like to blame a year for all the tragedies and loss that happened, unfortunately it’s life. Death has a way of coming when we don’t expect it to, or even when we do. Stopping it is a temporary fix. It’s the cycle of life that keeps spinning.

What’s tragic is the amount of talent that was lost in a single year.

Muhammad Ali: He changed the face of boxing and celebrity as we know it today. We would not have our Mike Tysons, our Sugar Ray Robinsons, even our Rocky Balboas without the antics of Cassius Clay.

Gene Wilder: The actor who created the world of pure imagination for so many children. Combine this with so many other great roles – Young Frankenstein, Blazing Saddles, Stir Crazy, Silver Streak and so many other fabulous films – and he will live in our hearts forever.

David Bowie: Musician. Actor. Icon. Unforgettable.

Alan Rickman: The actor we loved to hate. He captured our hearts in the Harry Potter films with the ultimate sacrifice. Always, Alan. Always.

George Gaines: Not all of you will recognize his name, but Commandant Lassard lives on from Policy Academy for me.

Prince: I have no words. The Artist in purple lives on though his music.

Garry Marshall: This writer/producer/actor has touched your life. I guarantee it. If you loved Happy Days, Laverne and Shirley, Mork and Mindy – you have him to thank. Directed movies like Pretty Woman, Beaches and The Princess Diaries. Before all this, was a writer for The Dick Van Dye show, The Lucy Show, and the Odd Couple to name a few. Even acted in a show or two.

Florence Henderson: Mrs Brady. No matter what else in life she did, she will always be Carol Brady.

Alan Thicke: The classic TV dad in Growing Pains. Alan could laugh at life and make fun of himself. That was part of his charm.

George Michael: He may have had life challenges, but no one could deny that this man had talent. A loss at 53.

Carrie Fisher: Princess Leia. A great disturbance was felt in the force today. Carrie was a part of pop culture that was bigger than she was. She will forever live in the hearts of millions.

This is a mere dent in the year’s losses. Death knew no preference. It came to all walks of life. I had my own personal tragedies, as did many of the friends I have in my life. Our losses are not minimized because the people/pets who passed in our lives were not famous. To us, they were everything.

However, instead of focusing on all the tragedies and all the losses, let’s take a minute to think about a few great things that happened in 2016.

The Chicago Cubs won the World Series…No, I’m not kidding. It really happened.

Being a Gilmore Girls Geek – the series revival happened on Netflix.

The World Health Organization has announced that measles have been eradicated in all the Americas.

World Hunger has reached the lowest point in 25 years.

Wild wolves are coming back in Europe, and for the first time since the American Revolution, wild salmon began spawning in the Connecticut River.

Humpback whales and giant pandas are no longer on the endangered species list.

The Olympics – International brotherhood never felt so good.

Pokemon Go – Bringing the world of gaming to life.

I can keep going, but I’ll let you figure out what the good is in 2016. Find your smile. Take a huge bite out of life while you can, and let the juices drip all over your face. You can dwell on what sucks in life, or you can pick yourself up and remember what makes you who you are. Maybe you’ll be surprised that someone thinks you’re incredible or maybe you won’t. Love yourself first. Then, God willing, let others love you back. Let’s have a fantastic 2017.

Until we meet again,

Angie

Everything I learned in life I learned from my Cat

 A tribute to my Zoey.

A cat that deserved the world.

Zoey was not just a pet to me. How can I refer to the one who listened to my trials and tribulations, snuggled with me when I weeped, was happy when I experienced joy, and was my constant companion for the past two and a half years as merely a pet? She had been with me longer, but it was her and I against the world when I moved into my apartment. I had to make the agonizing decision to put her to sleep this week.


Zoey was originally my daughter's cat. We embraced her into our world when I divorced for the first time. A squalling little ball of fluff, our boxer/mastiff mix Wrigley was looking more at making her a meal than adjusting to her. I have to say she had no fear of this 100 pound plus dog. As he growled, and bared his teeth, I raised my voice. "Wrigley! No! That's the baby. That's YOUR baby." This gentle giant looked at me, then looked at the tiny ball of fluff in front of him. Zoey then reeled him in, rubbing her body against his legs and purring. A lifelong relationship was made that day. From that moment forward, whenever Zoey cried, Wrigley would come running from wherever he was to make sure no one was hurting his baby. I learned a little charm goes a long way.

We also had a second cat named Blue. Blue was a foundling, and independent as hell. Zoey soon grew larger than her sister, and took every opportunity to tackle her. Blue tolerated Zoey, but when she had enough, would make sure her sister was well aware of who was in charge. Funny to see the cat who was double the size of the other turn and run, often making a horrible sound as she fled. I learned teasing is fun, until it isn't. You need to know when it goes too far.

My stories of Zoey and the vet are legendary. This hellcat hated the vet with a passion, and I often wore the scars of a wrangler following those visits. For a big girl, she was surprisingly agile, and her four paws hit the opening of her kennel every time. I was bit, hissed at, scratched, head butted, peed on, and generally abused when I took her to the vet. Wrestling an alligator might have been easier. I learned to fight from these encounters - don't let the world take you down without a fight.

While at the vet, every single time she was an angel. The vet looked at her beautiful teeth, and told me most cats have tartar on their teeth, but not Zoey, Hers were white and shiny - the most beautiful teeth the vet had ever seen, right up until the day I had to put her to sleep. My comment always was that her best hobby was eating, and she was really, really good at it. I learned to embrace what I am good at, regardless of what it is. Life doesn't follow a set pattern.

My little angel was afraid of other people at first. I'm not sure why, but she was usually hesitant with folks she did not know. I always knew when someone was exceptional. Those were the people that Zoey showed little hesitation to. She had her select caregivers, and a few people she liked. When she trusted you, she trusted you with her whole being. She purred, and played, and slept with them. From this, I learned how to trust again. I learned that no two people are the same, and to give people your heart. If they show you the same in return, it's a gift.

Zoey had a fetish for feet. The stinkier they are, the more she loved them. As a kitten, Zoey was exposed to Jess working in fast food. She would often come home, smelling of burgers and fries. That silly kitten would stuff her head in Jess's shoes, and just lie there. This developed into her love of all stinky feet. It was always as if my shoes were her property, I was merely borrowing them. If I needed to find Zoey, I had to look no further than my shoes. I learned that we love what we love. It may not make sense, but everyone has their own reasons for what they want. It's never wrong. Never let anyone tell you differently.

When I would go on vacation, Zoey would always make me work for it when I came home. I knew she missed me. She would sit on the table and glare when I came in, but within a few hours she would be my girl again. She'd curl up in my lap, and talk to me. We'd play, and she always loved me to get her belly. I'd always think about Fat Bastard in Austin Powers as I said, "I'm...gonna..get...that...belly! Head! Feet!" She'd nip at me, but her tail would be going a mile a minute. I knew she was having fun. She also adored her toys. I learned how to have fun, and how to not hold a grudge. Life is short.

I am missing the mornings with Zoey. Usually about 2 minutes before the alarm went off, she'd get up next to my head and purr. The alarm would go off, I'd hit the snooze button, and she'd begin to head butt me until I got up. She wanted her morning treat (actually bladder medicine, but a treat to her). We'd hang out together in the bathroom. I would shower, and she'd be in there soaking in the warmth of the room. We'd breakfast together, and as I left for work, she stood in front of me, knowing she got kitty treats when I left. This was a daily ritual, and she never let me forget. The past few days my routine is out of whack. I learned that sharing the simplest things with someone might seem ordinary, but it means more than you think it does.

My girl has crossed to the Rainbow Bridge.
On the other side, her protector Wrigley and her sister Blue were waiting for her.
I am thankful for every moment this precious girl was in my life, and I pray that wherever she may be, she knows I loved her very much. A pet is family.

Until we meet again,
Angie

Conquering the Monster

Once again, back to my roots. A little short story to tickle your brain. Enjoy.



The air felt of heaviness, leaving me breathless again. The mountain I faced was but a step in my goal toward finishing my bucket list. No better time, no better place - this was important. My arms quivered, my legs ached and I knew it would be easy just to quit. I wanted to walk away and crawl back to my self-imposed exile, but time was of the essence. I decided I had something to prove.

My best friend had tried to talk me out of this. "What if you fall and no one is there? What then?"
My reply was a bit curt. "We are all born to die someday. At least this way I will die knowing I believed in something. Die having an adventure. I can't think of a more appropriate way to go. I could die walking across the street, falling in my bathtub, or being murdered by a random stranger. There are much worse ways to leave this world."
She looked at me with those eyes, the ones that bore into my soul. She replied, "You're afraid. You just won't admit it."
I wasn't having that justification. Yes, she knows me well. That's like saying peanut butter and jelly might taste good in a sandwich together. We've been best friends since first grade. We'd been through divorce of her parents, death of my father at age 13 to the Monster, first love, losing our virginities (hers to Steve McIntyre, mine to a random 19 year old at a drunken party), high school, college, my marriage, her rape, my divorce from an abusive drunk, my miscarriage after the divorce - we have run the full gamut. This time was different.

The peak loomed so far above me that I got dizzy staring at it. Maybe she was right. Maybe I can't do this. Yet, a little voice nagged inside. "You can." I took a deep breath, forcing air into my lungs and my brain. I took out a power bar and slowly ate it, feeling the sugar and protein give my body a bit of much needed fuel. My brain, robbed of some of its oxygen, went into its own direction as my elevation increased. Memories tiptoed in on kitten feet, and grew to the size of elephants.

My dad was my hero. There wasn't anything he could not do. We played baseball, flew kites, drove for hours on end, and had that relationship of a Daddy's girl with her dad. I was a tomboy, through and through. My mom wasn't part of the club. She had her friends, her social engagements, and her criticism of me and the way my dad treated me. We had nothing in common. It was if there was absolutely no way she was truly my mother. My dad took her verbal abuse because he had me. At age 11, something changed.

He came home in the middle of the afternoon. I had just come home from school, and my mother was playing bridge with her cronies. His face was ashen, his countenance different than I had ever seen. My mother barely glanced up from her game. I knew something was wrong. My dad walked into their bedroom, and sat on the bed staring at the wall. "Daddy? Are you ok?" I asked with trepidation. He continued to stare at the wall. I ran to my mother. "You need to come," I stated, no question in my voice. My mother started to protest, and out of my mouth came "Now, dammit! He needs you." Once the words burst forth, I thought I would get the belt for sure. To her credit, I must have shocked her enough to make her move. My mother walked into the bedroom and shut the door. Her friends stared at me like I had two heads. I didn't give a damn what they thought - those ladies with the sticks up their butts. Stuck up snobby bitches.

I heard mumbling, then what sounded like my mother bursting into tears. That can't be right. My mother never cries. Honestly, her emotions are not something Dad or I ever see. I inched closer to the door. I heard snippets of what was said. "Doctor" "Cancer" "Tumor" "Inoperable". My brain began to spin. No! That can't be right. My dad can't be sick. He's invincible. Unfortunately, being invincible is merely a fairy tale. It isn't real. I sunk down to the floor and curled into a tiny ball. I wept until I thought I could not weep more. Once again, I was wrong.

Days grew to weeks, weeks to months. Seasons came and went, and my dad was beating the odds. The doctor had told him 6 months to a year. No one told my dad's heart this. He struggled daily as his tumor grew, but he refused to give up. Chemo to try to shrink it, a bit of radiation...whatever it took to kill the tumor. I named the tumor the "Monster". I needed there to be something to fight, some foe to conquer. His spirit was hard pressed to break. Dad continued to be my hero. We still played baseball, until he could no longer find the strength to get out of bed.

Once Dad was bedridden, I read to him every day. He would smile, tousle my hair and kiss my cheek. Behind his eyes, I could sense the Monster growing. It devoured the smile until all I saw was pain. It robbed Dad of sight in his left eye as it marched through his brain, laying waste to all it touched. Dad became weaker, but I continued to hope. Six months was coming up on two years. My hero, my savior, my best friend - he couldn't die.

It was a beautiful fall morning. The pain seemed to be bearable that day, as Dad looked at me and smiled. I was reading his favorite book - The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. It always reminded my dad of his youth and the shenanigans he had. We laughed for hours. The laughter began, but the Monster swallowed it whole. The Monster won the battle that day. It was to be the final battle. My dad passed away -no fan fare, no funeral pyre - just a man.

Some say that grief can bring two people closer together. I wish I could tell you that was the case with Mom and me. It was more an oil and vinegar mix. I wept continuously for a year. She did what she always did, shutting me out, and becoming  even bigger of a bitch than I thought she could be. She told me I was a waste of life, and I did everything I could to prove her right. Ages 13-17 saw me spending the majority of my time with my best friend. Her mom worked three jobs and was never home.

Short of suicide, I exercised every other risky behavior to shorten my life. Drugs? Yes. Alcohol? Yes. Promiscuity? Yes. I jumped out of a moving car, leaped off a bridge, had a lot of unprotected sex, stole to support my drug habit - I was a huge train wreck. Somehow, I survived. I not only survived, but was holding a 4.0 average. This led to college, much to the surprise of my mother. After a bit of soul searching, I decided to do my dad proud.
My life changed. I became responsible, no longer lost in a drugged haze.

I continued to climb. My emotions were playing havoc with me. Too many memories. I wish they were all good. I wish my dad were here. He'd know what to do. Maybe I was afraid. Not everything in life is meant to be easy, but I think I have had more than my share of bad things. Nightmares. Breakdowns. My mother's constant criticism of how I handle my life. I'd say these are a few things I could do without.

The steep climb made my fingers ache, my toes cramp, and made me sweat profusely. I was relentless- I needed to reach the peak. I kept chanting in my head, "What you seek is at the top." I wanted so badly to believe that. Fighting the Monster was something I knew. It creeped in when I least expected it, and now I was waging war with my arch nemesis. The doctor said it was coincidence - the brain tumor my dad had was not hereditary. It should not have happened to me, but here the Monster was once more.

I was told mine may be operable, but the operation was risky. Mine was located in the frontal lobe - if something went wrong, my life's work of being a novelist would be over. My intellect could suffer, leaving me unable to comprehend the simplest of ideas. I was frightened. My best friend was right. Dad's tumor was on his brain stem, and removal would almost certainly have killed him. What a choice to make. Faced with a decision like this, my instinct told me to complete my bucket list. Here was the mountain to conquer. Here was the Monster that has plagued my lifetime. No better day.

Every fiber of muscle, every struggled gasp of breath - I kept up the fight. I held this thought, "I let you win before, Monster. Not today. You can take my life, you can make me lose my mind, but I will never surrender. " I reached the top mid afternoon. I won this round. The Monster would not win. I think I even saw my dad briefly at the top. He was smiling as he held out his hand.

"Mrs. Morgan? I'm afraid your daughter didn't make it. I am very sorry. The tumor was larger than we anticipated, and when we removed it, her heart stopped. We were unable to revive her."

The Monster had won. Heroes large and small were no match. Someday, somehow, a knight in a white coat will find a way to beat the Monster. Until then, my Dad and I watch and wait.


Until we meet again, my friends.

Angie

There's Something About Karen...

Karen is leaving Blue Cross. Those seem to be words I never thought I’d say. She has been such an integral part of the CAS team – training many of us in various things and taking the lead to get us there. Once she moved into her position as the HMO Claims Developmental Specialist, she continued to help us learn and grow. Now it’s time for her to learn and grow.

I know that to me she was a personal mentor. We may not have seen eye to eye at times, and I know I was not the easiest person to train. Karen has seen me at my worst. However, she has also helped me become my best. That is why I couldn’t let her go without saying a few nice things. I may not do everything right, but I wanted to do something I excel at for you, Karen.

Karen was one of the first people to encourage me to apply to be a CAS (some days I thank her, other days not so much!). I swore that was never going to happen, and she told me that I knew more than I thought I did. These words became a running dialog with her in my position. She never let me take the easy way out. She made me work for each answer, develop the research tools, and frustrated the hell out of me…at first. The longer I was in the position, the easier it became to find the answer and the greater the satisfaction for me. Yes, Karen could be tough and is to this day the master of the eye roll.

In her own way, she was teaching me to be successful.

I became a better friend to her outside of Blue Cross. I admired Karen for going to school, and envied the things that she learned. I also admired her love for her family. Even when she didn’t work directly with me, I still felt like Karen was my cheerleader. I continue to ask her a question or two from time to time but now they are the questions that sometimes even she can’t answer right away. It feels good.

Karen, I think you can do anything you set your mind to. I know you have had your doubts about leaving, but it’s time for you to show the world just how truly badass you can be. Never ever settle. Never ever give up. Wipe those butts with pride, girly! (hopefully not much of that and more of other stuff) You have made an impact in my life, and I am proud to be your friend. If you ever need a sympathetic ear, I am always here.

Thanks for everything,

Angie

Supertramp or Fortune Teller? You decide...

I don’t know how many of you saw my post earlier today. I alluded to the soundtrack of my life. This song in particular stood out to me. If you’ll indulge me, I will explain. It takes a bit of imagination on your part – imagine the boy as a girl, I exaggerate for additional effects, and so on. I can see parts of it mirroring things that have happened to me, and coming back to what really matters – the “home.”

I picture myself on a train, staring out the window. I have only briefly been on a train to Chicago, but to me since we are referring to the long way home, it seems fitting. The train represents my journey, and the window a way of looking at the scenes of my life that have passed.

Being a romeo is thinking that I am cute, playing that factor up in my youth. The joke of the neighborhood, and not caring because it felt good makes me remember times that I drank far too much, and people laughed at me, because I can be amusing when I drink.

Feeling that I am part of the scenery and my spouse thinking I am part of the furniture reminds me of my first marriage. I was someone who faded into the background because I was unhappy. And yes, he used to be so nice.

When lonely days turn to lonely nights and turning to the city lights I relate to online dating. I never saw what I wanted to see and I was playing a part in my second marriage. I felt that I was up on display, being this fake wife in every sense of the word. I truly was losing my sanity, and I didn’t think there was ever going to be a way out.

The redeeming passage is when I see my life has become a catastrophe, but it had to be for me to find myself again. I look back on life and wonder what if, but then in my train fantasy/daydream, the final stanza plays, putting a smile on my face, as I look ahead as to what’s to come. Settling down means being not who I truly am, and not being around refers to my adventures.

Not bad for an afternoon daydream, right? I hope you like my view of life, and watching me return to my “home”. Home is where you feel safe. It’s an ideal, not necessarily a place or a person or a thing.

Life is beautiful, friends. We all struggle, but eventually we find our way. To get to myself again, I had to take the long way.

Enjoy the lyrics.

  "Take The Long Way Home"

So you think you're a Romeo

playing a part in a picture-show

Take the long way home

Take the long way home

Cos you're the joke of the neighborhood

Why should you care if you're feeling good

Take the long way home

Take the long way home

But there are times that you feel you're part of the scenery

all the greenery is comin' down, boy

And then your wife seems to think you're part of the

furniture oh, it's peculiar, she used to be so nice.

When lonely days turn to lonely nights

you take a trip to the city lights

And take the long way home

Take the long way home

You never see what you want to see

Forever playing to the gallery

You take the long way home

Take the long way home

And when you're up on the stage, it's so unbelievable,

unforgettable, how they adore you,

But then your wife seems to think you're losing your sanity,

oh, calamity, is there no way out?

 Does it feel that your life's become a catastrophe?

            Oh, it has to be for you to grow, boy.

            When you look through the years and see what you could

                have been oh, what might have been,

       if you'd had more time.

    So, when the day comes to settle down,

      Who's to blame if you're not around?

   You took the long way home

               You took the long way home...........

Until we meet again,

Angie

Life isn't just a Crapshoot

I really don't like the fact that I am aging.

It's inevitable, I suppose.

I think the thing that bothers me the most is that many of my classmates have passed away. Various reasons, numerous illnesses and the like, it is still hard to envision those your same age dying. These are friends. People who you started a new job with, the first boy you ever kissed, friends who made you laugh or smile - none of these people were safe.

When these kinds of thoughts pass through my head, I think about how far I have come in the past few years. I remember all the firsts with pride. However, it makes me realize that no matter how many new things I have done, the possibilities are vast. I always read all the bucket lists that the internet has to offer, and decided to start one of my own. Bear in mind that this is only a fraction of the things I want to do, see and accomplish. I feel like sharing with my friends though. I am grateful every single day for the opportunities I have, the friends in my life, and those that I love. Thank you all. Celebrate life. You need to seize the most of everything. Have no regrets.

With that said, I give you Angie's Bucket List:

Visit all 50 States

Get a passport

Get at least one stamp in my passport

Own a good camera

Visit every Six Flags in the US

Hike the Appalachian Mountains

Visit the top 10 US state parks:

Great Smoky Mountain National Park

Grand Canyon

Rocky Mountain National Park

Yosemite

Yellowstone

Zion Canyon

Olympic National Park

Grand Tetons

Acadia National Park

Glacier National Park

Visit foreign countries (basically, seeing how many continents I can visit)

Dance (not shake my booty type, more tango or ballroom, dressed up)

See some of the larger zoos in the US

Ride in a hot air balloon

Walk across a large rope suspension bridge

Write a novel

Be an unexpected inspiration

See and go in the St Louis Arch

Visit as many of the remaining US drive ins as I can before they are gone

Visit as many exquisite libraries as I can

Increase the number of ice creams I have tried

Always pick at least 1 new thing to eat in a restaurant

Try caviar

Visit my birthplace - El Paso

Go to Washington DC

Go to Cedar Point

Go to Kings Island

Go to Universal

Go to Knott's Berry Farm

See Mt Rushmore

See the Space Needle

Go to New Orleans at Mardi Gras

Experience the Northern Lights

Shower in a waterfall

Kayak

Be kissed in the rain

Read at least 50-100 books every year

Experience something new with my adventure companion on every trip

Have a perfect day at least once a year

Take a road trip of 1000 miles or more

Watch a meteor shower

Sleep under the stars

Go Lavender picking

Go Zorbing

Build a massive sandcastle

Go Zip-lining

Go to a giant corn maze

Go go-karting

Take an Old-time photo

Take that one unforgettable photo

It's a start. There are some things I would like to do or experience that are pretty personal. Only a few folks will ever get the privilege of that knowledge.

 I hope this makes you think of what you have yet do do in your life. What are you waiting for?

Until we meet again,

Angie

 

Head In The Clouds?

We all do it.

There are those moments that we need a distraction, something to think about other than our lives.

We look up and see the shapes, the motion and somehow manage to lose ourselves in the clouds. What would it be like to soar like a bird, unburdened by the restraints of man?

"Above the cloud with its shadow is the star with its light. Above all things reverence thyself."

 ~ Pythagoras

"I know that I shall meet my fate somewhere among the clouds above; those that I fight I do not hate,   those that I guard I do not love." ~ W.B. Yeats

 “Aren't the clouds beautiful? They look like big balls of cotton... I could just lie here all day, and watch  them drift by... If you use your imagination, you can see lots of things in the cloud formations... What do  you think you see, Linus?"
"Well, those clouds up there look like the map of the British Honduras on the Caribbean... That cloud up  there looks a little like the profile of Thomas Eakins, the famous painter and sculptor... And that group of  clouds over there gives me the impression of the stoning of Stephen... I can see the apostle Paul standing  there to one side..."
"Uh huh... That's very good... What do you see in the clouds, Charlie Brown?"
"Well, I was going to say I saw a ducky and a horsie, but I changed my mind!” 

~ Charles Shultz

“I find it incredibly amazing how at every sunset, the sky is a different shade. No  cloud is ever in the same place. Each day is a new masterpiece. A new wonder. A  new memory.”
~ Sanober Khan

This is a little tribute to my enjoyment of the clouds. I see their beauty and I manage to forget my insignificant problems as I look up and dream. I hope you like the pictures as well.

                                  

                                                                

You Don't Have To Be Einstein To Learn Things

I think that life is full of lessons. Sometimes you need to take a minute to really appreciate them.

You all know I recently turned 48. Age to me is a state of mind, more than just a number on a page. I am constantly learning and growing. I'd have to say I am changing for the better. I definitely have grown and come into my own in the last 2 years. I would even say that in the last year, my life views have changed and developed. I would like to share with you some of the lessons I have learned.

1) No matter what happens, be true to yourself first. - You can't go along in life pretending to be something you just aren't. It eats you up inside until you forget the fabulous person you can be.

2) Friends make life bearable. - I have the most fabulous friends. Whether old or new, I treasure each and every one of them.

3) Don't be afraid to take a chance. - The old adage is true.You never know unless you try. Granted you may fail, but isn't that better than never knowing?

4) When life is getting you down, reach out. - I have the best support system. I got through some tough times with their help.

5) Sometimes the gift of a person's time means more than any words they can ever say. - Self explanatory, and you know who you are.

6) If you need someone, tell them. - Don't be too proud or stubborn to do so.

7) Look at the world with childlike wonder. - You will be amazed at how much more you appreciate what you see.

8) Don't be afraid to admit you are wrong. - We make mistakes, but learning from them helps us grow.

9) Life is so much more than material things. - Memories, photos, smells, feelings - celebrate all of these things.

10) Accept what has happened and move on. - Dwelling on the negative does no good for anyone.

11) I will never be the same size that I was in high school. - Sure, some people are able to achieve that, but for me, it is feeling good in the size I'm in. Honestly? If someone cares about you, it does not matter to them if you have gained weight. In their eyes, you are someone they care deeply for no matter what size you are. Love yourself.

12) Putting someone else down is not lifting you up.

13) Laugh often - and loudly. - I do, every chance I get. I have the best vacations with Duffy Thomas because we laugh. Everything isn't serious. Life is meant to be fun - or you're doing it wrong.

14) Embrace new experiences.  - I have grown from every first I've had. I crave it now. I want to experience it all. I have done things even in the past few days I never thought I was capable of doing.

15) Know your emotional triggers. - If being alone makes you sad at times, get up. Go out. Read. Don't let the sadness win. I have struggled with tears at times. I am not ashamed of being an emotional person, but I know that to push past that, I need to get away from the thought making me sad.

16) Strive to find what makes you happy. - I know that there are a few things I'd like to change in my life, but I am working on them. I refuse to let life pass me by.

17) Work is always work. - Make the best of what you have, but if you are truly unhappy, seek other opportunities. Change is the only constant.

18) Live life on your own terms. - Some folks have a timetable of when things should happen. You are the only one who can decide that. If you are happy, it doesn't matter. Follow your rules.

19) Smile at someone every day, or wish someone you care about a good morning. - It may seem like a small thing, but it matters. It shows that we care about someone other than ourselves. It most likely makes the recipient smile too.

20) Be the best version of yourself you can be.  - Not an earth-shattering secret, but tough for some. Stop if you feel yourself being short with someone, and change your attitude. If you make negative comments, put yourself in the other person's shoes for a moment. We only have each day for 24 hours. Make the absolute most out of it that you can. You will never get it back.

So, my life is a work in progress, but I know I have gone from a miserable woman to the person you see before you. I am not perfect. I may say stupid things sometimes. I, however, will never be boring.
I seek the flavor of life - to let the juices of experience run down my chin as I savor every moment. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I know this: I'll be waiting.

I'd say 48 is an ok place to be. Here's me - no makeup. I think I'm going to be just fine.

Until we meet again, my friends - 

Angie

With A Little Help From My Friends

Today’s topic: Friendship

This thought came about on my recent adventure as I had time to drive and think. I am grateful for many things in my life, but I am truly blessed to have so many wonderful friends. I was not always the best at making friends, but I gravitate toward people who share something with me. From kindergarten to middle school to high school, each chapter in my life sees the introduction of more friends. My oldest friend (Corrina Adams) means as much to me as the new group of friends I cultivated at Blue Cross. 

Friends make us laugh, build us up when we are feeling low, hug us when we cry, and believe that we are never limited to what we are today. They give us the strength to dream the big dreams. We might conspire together or commiserate on a bad experience. No matter how lousy a day you have, one of your friends can make everything seem less awful.

A friend can be a family member, a co-worker, a boyfriend/girlfriend, or a casual acquaintance. They can be someone you’ve known all your life or someone you’ve just met. The most important part is that they are your friend. I like to think that every person I consider to be a friend knows exactly how much they mean to me. I hope in return that I mean as much to them.

I think of so many times that I was shy growing up and missed the opportunity to get to know people who may be incredible. I have taken that lesson to heart, and now relish the thought of meeting new people. I have grown into a more social being. No longer am I the woman walking into a room afraid of what other people may think about me. I am now the woman walking into the room knowing that I don’t have to compare myself to anyone else and what matters most is how I see myself.

My future lies before me even if I don’t know what it may bring. What do I know? I know that the incredible group of ladies and gentlemen that I am honored to call my friends will support me every step of that journey. To those new friends – thank you for allowing me the opportunity to get to know you. To my old friends – thank you for still putting up with me after all these years. To my Jess – thank you for being both a terrific daughter and a great friend. To my favorite adventure companion – you make me laugh harder than anyone else ever has, and have the uncanny ability to make me smile even if life is giving me nothing but lemons.  Finally, to my friends that have passed on – you are up in heaven smiling down on me, and I miss you more than I could ever say.

I say to all of you – bring on tomorrow. I know I will be happy to be the cheerleader, the confidant, the love, the supporter and the educator that any of you may need. Thank you for being my friends.

Until we meet again,

Angie

Boom Boom Pow!

I want to talk a little bit about impact.

Everyone strives to make an impact. We want to be noticed, cared about and remembered long after we have left this life. We want our efforts to mean something. Most folks do not go through life thinking to themselves – Hmm, I want to fade into the background. I want to live my life in anonymity, and never be remembered by anyone. They aren’t thinking – I want to be that person from my high school class that everyone asks who they were because they simply were invisible. Some part of us inside wants attention. We want recognition. Preferably, we want to be remembered for something good we did or how we made someone feel or how successful we were. We need impact. We want someone to care.

Often, those who make an impact don’t realize that they do. Sure, they still crave that recognition or attention, but they are simply who they are. Maybe your kind words to a co-worker gives them the strength to go on every day. Their situation may be grim, and you being nice to them gives that person a reason to smile. Maybe your good morning each day makes someone feel good and lets them know you care. Maybe your smile to a stranger makes them smile and forget about their troubles for just a brief moment. Taking a minute out of your day when someone asks for help, asking if something is wrong if you see someone crying, or simply wanting to hear about someone’s day – all of this adds up to impact.

Have you ever wondered what if? What if I wasn’t here? What difference could that possibly make? This is a question that dwells deep within the walls of depression and being alone. You make a big difference. Each and every person touches the lives of so many others. Think of your first boyfriend/girlfriend. What impact did they have on you? What impact did you have on them? If you were their first kiss, then ultimately that first kiss was with someone else. However, it could be the difference between them being a good kisser or a bad one. Every action impacts someone or something. You may think you weren’t noticed in high school, but then later you find that not only were you noticed, that someone thought you were incredible. You may make a post on Facebook or social media and think, eh – no one cares what I think or have to say. Often, you are proven wrong.

Maybe life isn’t what you planned it to be. That’s OK. It doesn’t matter that you aren’t where you think you should be. What matters is that you put yourself out there. Don’t ever stop trying. It is never too late to make an impact or to go after your dreams in life. You might wake up someday with everything you ever wanted. You might not. What’s important is that you gave it everything you had, and did not give up.

Your actions made an impact. 

Until we meet again, my friends.

Angie

Stanley the Bearhearted

In the process of reconditioning my thoughts and belief system, one of the things I have been thinking about is possessions. I have had this in my head for a while. I started conditioning myself when I left my marriage to be happy with less, but the whole concept has grown. In the midst of all this downsizing, I came to realize that I want to look back at the end of my life with memories that are precious. I could care less if I end up with objects. I only need a few things to make me happy. As long as I am breathing, sharing good times with those I hold dear, and seeking adventure, I am truly happy.

That aside, I began to wonder – what is the most precious thing I own? The answer is something you will never guess. It is not anything given to me in marriage, or by my daughter, or from any love of my life. It is not worth anything to anyone other than me. In fact, if the average person were to look at it, they would see something broken down and worn out. To me, however, it is the thing that has seen me through the darkest days of my life. Any ideas?

Yes, folks. The most precious thing I own is a careworn teddy bear. He has but one arm, and his name is Stanley. Stanley has been with me since I was small. He was given to me by my great aunt’s son Stanley (yep, I named the bear after the giver).  Stanley was there when I moved to a new school. He was there when various boyfriends broke up with me. Stanley saw me through an abusive relationship, the fear of a new mommy when her baby does not move during a stress test, and through 2 marriages. Stanley was there when I asked why my step father was killed tragically. Stanley was also there when I hoped that my step mother would survive the fall from her tree stand. Stanley has seen many tragedies, survived many tears, and always been my ultimate confidant. When I don’t know what to do or think, he is what I hold and ask for the strength to go on. When I feel like I am not good enough, pretty enough, or that something is wrong with me, I hold Stanley and know that these things will pass.

If I need a hug, I have my other teddy - Duffy bear. He rubs it in Stanley’s face that he has two arms. Stanley takes it in stride, as he is the Chuck Norris of bears and doesn’t need two stinking arms. I am a forty-seven-year-old woman with a teddy bear (two actually) and I don’t care who knows it. Take away everything I have – my books, my DVD’s, my clothes – just don’t take Stanley from me. I will probably be that old woman carrying her teddy with her that everyone thinks is a little crazy. Am I really? 

I have many people that I can reach out to when I need someone, and I do. However, sometimes you need to be alone with your thoughts and cry it out. Stanley is there. He is also there in the good times too. When things are good, he usually observes from the shelf next to his pal.

Life is too short to worry about things. Embrace every day. Believe in yourself. Love yourself. In the end, you have everything you have ever needed. You just have to see it.

Until we meet again,

Angie

Rub the Buddha's Belly

What a glorious month January is.

I say that a bit sarcastically, but I am learning to appreciate every moment, good and bad, that I have.

Things that are important come to you, just as you are. You don’t have to chase them. They will just happen. Sometimes in life we try too hard. In trying to force things, we end up disappointed and disillusioned. Those unpleasant stressful feelings? Those come from worrying about things that have not happened yet, being sad about things you think might have been (but is not necessarily what may have occurred) and living in fear of the next thing to come, what may go wrong with it or looking foolish. If I spend all my time living in fear, I am not looking at what is happening right now. I am not enjoying the feeling I am having, the wonderful experience I am a part of, the thrill that comes from living in the now. I don’t ever want to look back at my life and say I didn’t live.

It is important when those doubts start to get to you that you stop. Look them up and down, and think – what is the absolute worst that can happen? And then – what can I do about it? There is always something you can do. Realizing that the power is within you makes those fears and doubts easier to deal with. Instead of the elephant in the room, it becomes a small mouse in the corner. It might frighten you a little bit, but a mouse is something you can overcome.

In life, we need to appreciate each and every day, learn from it, and work with whatever come about.

If we keep life simple, it has its own power.

We don’t need to complain for the sake of complaining. Negativity breeds much more negativity. It becomes strangling, holding you back from the accomplishments and happiness that could be part of your life.

Embrace your inner nature. It makes you who you are. Whether you enjoy reading, traveling, exploring, dancing – there is something that is unique to you. Don’t ever compromise that value, that special piece of you. Everything in life has a place – a function. Some people don’t realize the contribution they bring. If you respect what is inside you, it will serve you well. You will know where you truly belong.

Take those things that others think are weaknesses and make them your strengths. I am an emotional person. All my friends and family know this. I can cry at the drop of a hat. But, there is no denying that I feel. I may be emotional, but that emotion makes me compassionate. It lets others know the depths of my feelings for them. Emotions are scary sometimes, but if you feel it, don’t hide it.

Man is a fickle creature. He is at times led away from his true nature. This is why it is important to understand who you are and respect yourself. Don’t be fooled into becoming what you are not.

A lot of these ideas are paraphrased from the Tao of Pooh and the Te of Piglet. I think one of the best things I read is this:

How can you get very far,

If you don’t know who you are?

How can you do what you ought,

If you don’t know what you’ve got?

And if you don’t know which to do

Of all the things in front of you –

Then what you’ll have when you are through

Is just a mess without a clue.

Of all the best that can come true

If you know What and Which and Who.

I am living every moment with enjoyment for what it is. I have had a few spectacular ones already this year. Here’s to living many more, and not giving up ever what may be. I will live the adventurer's life. 

Until we meet again,

Angie