Supertramp or Fortune Teller? You decide...

I don’t know how many of you saw my post earlier today. I alluded to the soundtrack of my life. This song in particular stood out to me. If you’ll indulge me, I will explain. It takes a bit of imagination on your part – imagine the boy as a girl, I exaggerate for additional effects, and so on. I can see parts of it mirroring things that have happened to me, and coming back to what really matters – the “home.”

I picture myself on a train, staring out the window. I have only briefly been on a train to Chicago, but to me since we are referring to the long way home, it seems fitting. The train represents my journey, and the window a way of looking at the scenes of my life that have passed.

Being a romeo is thinking that I am cute, playing that factor up in my youth. The joke of the neighborhood, and not caring because it felt good makes me remember times that I drank far too much, and people laughed at me, because I can be amusing when I drink.

Feeling that I am part of the scenery and my spouse thinking I am part of the furniture reminds me of my first marriage. I was someone who faded into the background because I was unhappy. And yes, he used to be so nice.

When lonely days turn to lonely nights and turning to the city lights I relate to online dating. I never saw what I wanted to see and I was playing a part in my second marriage. I felt that I was up on display, being this fake wife in every sense of the word. I truly was losing my sanity, and I didn’t think there was ever going to be a way out.

The redeeming passage is when I see my life has become a catastrophe, but it had to be for me to find myself again. I look back on life and wonder what if, but then in my train fantasy/daydream, the final stanza plays, putting a smile on my face, as I look ahead as to what’s to come. Settling down means being not who I truly am, and not being around refers to my adventures.

Not bad for an afternoon daydream, right? I hope you like my view of life, and watching me return to my “home”. Home is where you feel safe. It’s an ideal, not necessarily a place or a person or a thing.

Life is beautiful, friends. We all struggle, but eventually we find our way. To get to myself again, I had to take the long way.

Enjoy the lyrics.

  "Take The Long Way Home"

So you think you're a Romeo

playing a part in a picture-show

Take the long way home

Take the long way home

Cos you're the joke of the neighborhood

Why should you care if you're feeling good

Take the long way home

Take the long way home

But there are times that you feel you're part of the scenery

all the greenery is comin' down, boy

And then your wife seems to think you're part of the

furniture oh, it's peculiar, she used to be so nice.

When lonely days turn to lonely nights

you take a trip to the city lights

And take the long way home

Take the long way home

You never see what you want to see

Forever playing to the gallery

You take the long way home

Take the long way home

And when you're up on the stage, it's so unbelievable,

unforgettable, how they adore you,

But then your wife seems to think you're losing your sanity,

oh, calamity, is there no way out?

 Does it feel that your life's become a catastrophe?

            Oh, it has to be for you to grow, boy.

            When you look through the years and see what you could

                have been oh, what might have been,

       if you'd had more time.

    So, when the day comes to settle down,

      Who's to blame if you're not around?

   You took the long way home

               You took the long way home...........

Until we meet again,

Angie

Life isn't just a Crapshoot

I really don't like the fact that I am aging.

It's inevitable, I suppose.

I think the thing that bothers me the most is that many of my classmates have passed away. Various reasons, numerous illnesses and the like, it is still hard to envision those your same age dying. These are friends. People who you started a new job with, the first boy you ever kissed, friends who made you laugh or smile - none of these people were safe.

When these kinds of thoughts pass through my head, I think about how far I have come in the past few years. I remember all the firsts with pride. However, it makes me realize that no matter how many new things I have done, the possibilities are vast. I always read all the bucket lists that the internet has to offer, and decided to start one of my own. Bear in mind that this is only a fraction of the things I want to do, see and accomplish. I feel like sharing with my friends though. I am grateful every single day for the opportunities I have, the friends in my life, and those that I love. Thank you all. Celebrate life. You need to seize the most of everything. Have no regrets.

With that said, I give you Angie's Bucket List:

Visit all 50 States

Get a passport

Get at least one stamp in my passport

Own a good camera

Visit every Six Flags in the US

Hike the Appalachian Mountains

Visit the top 10 US state parks:

Great Smoky Mountain National Park

Grand Canyon

Rocky Mountain National Park

Yosemite

Yellowstone

Zion Canyon

Olympic National Park

Grand Tetons

Acadia National Park

Glacier National Park

Visit foreign countries (basically, seeing how many continents I can visit)

Dance (not shake my booty type, more tango or ballroom, dressed up)

See some of the larger zoos in the US

Ride in a hot air balloon

Walk across a large rope suspension bridge

Write a novel

Be an unexpected inspiration

See and go in the St Louis Arch

Visit as many of the remaining US drive ins as I can before they are gone

Visit as many exquisite libraries as I can

Increase the number of ice creams I have tried

Always pick at least 1 new thing to eat in a restaurant

Try caviar

Visit my birthplace - El Paso

Go to Washington DC

Go to Cedar Point

Go to Kings Island

Go to Universal

Go to Knott's Berry Farm

See Mt Rushmore

See the Space Needle

Go to New Orleans at Mardi Gras

Experience the Northern Lights

Shower in a waterfall

Kayak

Be kissed in the rain

Read at least 50-100 books every year

Experience something new with my adventure companion on every trip

Have a perfect day at least once a year

Take a road trip of 1000 miles or more

Watch a meteor shower

Sleep under the stars

Go Lavender picking

Go Zorbing

Build a massive sandcastle

Go Zip-lining

Go to a giant corn maze

Go go-karting

Take an Old-time photo

Take that one unforgettable photo

It's a start. There are some things I would like to do or experience that are pretty personal. Only a few folks will ever get the privilege of that knowledge.

 I hope this makes you think of what you have yet do do in your life. What are you waiting for?

Until we meet again,

Angie

 

Head In The Clouds?

We all do it.

There are those moments that we need a distraction, something to think about other than our lives.

We look up and see the shapes, the motion and somehow manage to lose ourselves in the clouds. What would it be like to soar like a bird, unburdened by the restraints of man?

"Above the cloud with its shadow is the star with its light. Above all things reverence thyself."

 ~ Pythagoras

"I know that I shall meet my fate somewhere among the clouds above; those that I fight I do not hate,   those that I guard I do not love." ~ W.B. Yeats

 “Aren't the clouds beautiful? They look like big balls of cotton... I could just lie here all day, and watch  them drift by... If you use your imagination, you can see lots of things in the cloud formations... What do  you think you see, Linus?"
"Well, those clouds up there look like the map of the British Honduras on the Caribbean... That cloud up  there looks a little like the profile of Thomas Eakins, the famous painter and sculptor... And that group of  clouds over there gives me the impression of the stoning of Stephen... I can see the apostle Paul standing  there to one side..."
"Uh huh... That's very good... What do you see in the clouds, Charlie Brown?"
"Well, I was going to say I saw a ducky and a horsie, but I changed my mind!” 

~ Charles Shultz

“I find it incredibly amazing how at every sunset, the sky is a different shade. No  cloud is ever in the same place. Each day is a new masterpiece. A new wonder. A  new memory.”
~ Sanober Khan

This is a little tribute to my enjoyment of the clouds. I see their beauty and I manage to forget my insignificant problems as I look up and dream. I hope you like the pictures as well.

                                  

                                                                

You Don't Have To Be Einstein To Learn Things

I think that life is full of lessons. Sometimes you need to take a minute to really appreciate them.

You all know I recently turned 48. Age to me is a state of mind, more than just a number on a page. I am constantly learning and growing. I'd have to say I am changing for the better. I definitely have grown and come into my own in the last 2 years. I would even say that in the last year, my life views have changed and developed. I would like to share with you some of the lessons I have learned.

1) No matter what happens, be true to yourself first. - You can't go along in life pretending to be something you just aren't. It eats you up inside until you forget the fabulous person you can be.

2) Friends make life bearable. - I have the most fabulous friends. Whether old or new, I treasure each and every one of them.

3) Don't be afraid to take a chance. - The old adage is true.You never know unless you try. Granted you may fail, but isn't that better than never knowing?

4) When life is getting you down, reach out. - I have the best support system. I got through some tough times with their help.

5) Sometimes the gift of a person's time means more than any words they can ever say. - Self explanatory, and you know who you are.

6) If you need someone, tell them. - Don't be too proud or stubborn to do so.

7) Look at the world with childlike wonder. - You will be amazed at how much more you appreciate what you see.

8) Don't be afraid to admit you are wrong. - We make mistakes, but learning from them helps us grow.

9) Life is so much more than material things. - Memories, photos, smells, feelings - celebrate all of these things.

10) Accept what has happened and move on. - Dwelling on the negative does no good for anyone.

11) I will never be the same size that I was in high school. - Sure, some people are able to achieve that, but for me, it is feeling good in the size I'm in. Honestly? If someone cares about you, it does not matter to them if you have gained weight. In their eyes, you are someone they care deeply for no matter what size you are. Love yourself.

12) Putting someone else down is not lifting you up.

13) Laugh often - and loudly. - I do, every chance I get. I have the best vacations with Duffy Thomas because we laugh. Everything isn't serious. Life is meant to be fun - or you're doing it wrong.

14) Embrace new experiences.  - I have grown from every first I've had. I crave it now. I want to experience it all. I have done things even in the past few days I never thought I was capable of doing.

15) Know your emotional triggers. - If being alone makes you sad at times, get up. Go out. Read. Don't let the sadness win. I have struggled with tears at times. I am not ashamed of being an emotional person, but I know that to push past that, I need to get away from the thought making me sad.

16) Strive to find what makes you happy. - I know that there are a few things I'd like to change in my life, but I am working on them. I refuse to let life pass me by.

17) Work is always work. - Make the best of what you have, but if you are truly unhappy, seek other opportunities. Change is the only constant.

18) Live life on your own terms. - Some folks have a timetable of when things should happen. You are the only one who can decide that. If you are happy, it doesn't matter. Follow your rules.

19) Smile at someone every day, or wish someone you care about a good morning. - It may seem like a small thing, but it matters. It shows that we care about someone other than ourselves. It most likely makes the recipient smile too.

20) Be the best version of yourself you can be.  - Not an earth-shattering secret, but tough for some. Stop if you feel yourself being short with someone, and change your attitude. If you make negative comments, put yourself in the other person's shoes for a moment. We only have each day for 24 hours. Make the absolute most out of it that you can. You will never get it back.

So, my life is a work in progress, but I know I have gone from a miserable woman to the person you see before you. I am not perfect. I may say stupid things sometimes. I, however, will never be boring.
I seek the flavor of life - to let the juices of experience run down my chin as I savor every moment. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I know this: I'll be waiting.

I'd say 48 is an ok place to be. Here's me - no makeup. I think I'm going to be just fine.

Until we meet again, my friends - 

Angie

With A Little Help From My Friends

Today’s topic: Friendship

This thought came about on my recent adventure as I had time to drive and think. I am grateful for many things in my life, but I am truly blessed to have so many wonderful friends. I was not always the best at making friends, but I gravitate toward people who share something with me. From kindergarten to middle school to high school, each chapter in my life sees the introduction of more friends. My oldest friend (Corrina Adams) means as much to me as the new group of friends I cultivated at Blue Cross. 

Friends make us laugh, build us up when we are feeling low, hug us when we cry, and believe that we are never limited to what we are today. They give us the strength to dream the big dreams. We might conspire together or commiserate on a bad experience. No matter how lousy a day you have, one of your friends can make everything seem less awful.

A friend can be a family member, a co-worker, a boyfriend/girlfriend, or a casual acquaintance. They can be someone you’ve known all your life or someone you’ve just met. The most important part is that they are your friend. I like to think that every person I consider to be a friend knows exactly how much they mean to me. I hope in return that I mean as much to them.

I think of so many times that I was shy growing up and missed the opportunity to get to know people who may be incredible. I have taken that lesson to heart, and now relish the thought of meeting new people. I have grown into a more social being. No longer am I the woman walking into a room afraid of what other people may think about me. I am now the woman walking into the room knowing that I don’t have to compare myself to anyone else and what matters most is how I see myself.

My future lies before me even if I don’t know what it may bring. What do I know? I know that the incredible group of ladies and gentlemen that I am honored to call my friends will support me every step of that journey. To those new friends – thank you for allowing me the opportunity to get to know you. To my old friends – thank you for still putting up with me after all these years. To my Jess – thank you for being both a terrific daughter and a great friend. To my favorite adventure companion – you make me laugh harder than anyone else ever has, and have the uncanny ability to make me smile even if life is giving me nothing but lemons.  Finally, to my friends that have passed on – you are up in heaven smiling down on me, and I miss you more than I could ever say.

I say to all of you – bring on tomorrow. I know I will be happy to be the cheerleader, the confidant, the love, the supporter and the educator that any of you may need. Thank you for being my friends.

Until we meet again,

Angie

Boom Boom Pow!

I want to talk a little bit about impact.

Everyone strives to make an impact. We want to be noticed, cared about and remembered long after we have left this life. We want our efforts to mean something. Most folks do not go through life thinking to themselves – Hmm, I want to fade into the background. I want to live my life in anonymity, and never be remembered by anyone. They aren’t thinking – I want to be that person from my high school class that everyone asks who they were because they simply were invisible. Some part of us inside wants attention. We want recognition. Preferably, we want to be remembered for something good we did or how we made someone feel or how successful we were. We need impact. We want someone to care.

Often, those who make an impact don’t realize that they do. Sure, they still crave that recognition or attention, but they are simply who they are. Maybe your kind words to a co-worker gives them the strength to go on every day. Their situation may be grim, and you being nice to them gives that person a reason to smile. Maybe your good morning each day makes someone feel good and lets them know you care. Maybe your smile to a stranger makes them smile and forget about their troubles for just a brief moment. Taking a minute out of your day when someone asks for help, asking if something is wrong if you see someone crying, or simply wanting to hear about someone’s day – all of this adds up to impact.

Have you ever wondered what if? What if I wasn’t here? What difference could that possibly make? This is a question that dwells deep within the walls of depression and being alone. You make a big difference. Each and every person touches the lives of so many others. Think of your first boyfriend/girlfriend. What impact did they have on you? What impact did you have on them? If you were their first kiss, then ultimately that first kiss was with someone else. However, it could be the difference between them being a good kisser or a bad one. Every action impacts someone or something. You may think you weren’t noticed in high school, but then later you find that not only were you noticed, that someone thought you were incredible. You may make a post on Facebook or social media and think, eh – no one cares what I think or have to say. Often, you are proven wrong.

Maybe life isn’t what you planned it to be. That’s OK. It doesn’t matter that you aren’t where you think you should be. What matters is that you put yourself out there. Don’t ever stop trying. It is never too late to make an impact or to go after your dreams in life. You might wake up someday with everything you ever wanted. You might not. What’s important is that you gave it everything you had, and did not give up.

Your actions made an impact. 

Until we meet again, my friends.

Angie

Stanley the Bearhearted

In the process of reconditioning my thoughts and belief system, one of the things I have been thinking about is possessions. I have had this in my head for a while. I started conditioning myself when I left my marriage to be happy with less, but the whole concept has grown. In the midst of all this downsizing, I came to realize that I want to look back at the end of my life with memories that are precious. I could care less if I end up with objects. I only need a few things to make me happy. As long as I am breathing, sharing good times with those I hold dear, and seeking adventure, I am truly happy.

That aside, I began to wonder – what is the most precious thing I own? The answer is something you will never guess. It is not anything given to me in marriage, or by my daughter, or from any love of my life. It is not worth anything to anyone other than me. In fact, if the average person were to look at it, they would see something broken down and worn out. To me, however, it is the thing that has seen me through the darkest days of my life. Any ideas?

Yes, folks. The most precious thing I own is a careworn teddy bear. He has but one arm, and his name is Stanley. Stanley has been with me since I was small. He was given to me by my great aunt’s son Stanley (yep, I named the bear after the giver).  Stanley was there when I moved to a new school. He was there when various boyfriends broke up with me. Stanley saw me through an abusive relationship, the fear of a new mommy when her baby does not move during a stress test, and through 2 marriages. Stanley was there when I asked why my step father was killed tragically. Stanley was also there when I hoped that my step mother would survive the fall from her tree stand. Stanley has seen many tragedies, survived many tears, and always been my ultimate confidant. When I don’t know what to do or think, he is what I hold and ask for the strength to go on. When I feel like I am not good enough, pretty enough, or that something is wrong with me, I hold Stanley and know that these things will pass.

If I need a hug, I have my other teddy - Duffy bear. He rubs it in Stanley’s face that he has two arms. Stanley takes it in stride, as he is the Chuck Norris of bears and doesn’t need two stinking arms. I am a forty-seven-year-old woman with a teddy bear (two actually) and I don’t care who knows it. Take away everything I have – my books, my DVD’s, my clothes – just don’t take Stanley from me. I will probably be that old woman carrying her teddy with her that everyone thinks is a little crazy. Am I really? 

I have many people that I can reach out to when I need someone, and I do. However, sometimes you need to be alone with your thoughts and cry it out. Stanley is there. He is also there in the good times too. When things are good, he usually observes from the shelf next to his pal.

Life is too short to worry about things. Embrace every day. Believe in yourself. Love yourself. In the end, you have everything you have ever needed. You just have to see it.

Until we meet again,

Angie