Gone to Knoxville in 60 Seconds

I feel so grown up.

This was always one of my dreams. I wanted a job that allowed me to travel. To adventure. To show the world - hey, this is Angie and I am a force to be reckoned with. I am no one's bitch. I finally get to do that. I will be in Knoxville, Tennessee for approximately four weeks as the support for an HMO claims class.

I am excited and nervous all at once. This is going to be my first foray into something bigger. I thought when I first became a Coordinator this year that it was as big as it was going to get. I like being a Coordinator for the puzzle solving aspect of it. Is it frustrating? You betcha. Do I go home exhausted many a day? Absolutely. Do I shut off some nights wanting nothing to do with people or conversation or thinking? More often than not. In that same breath though, I thank God for not having to deal with escalation calls and getting screamed at. I am not a confrontational person. People that are mad about claims not getting paid can be cruel. I have taken as many as four escalation calls in one day. My adopted brother Andy holds the record with six in one day. That is insane. I have been called names, told I was a liar - even one time being wished I had cancer so that "I knew how it felt." Fuck that. Being angry is one thing. Wishing a terminal illness on another person - that's uncalled for.

I think though that I am ready to do this. I will take ahold of the opportunity with both hands and share what is sure to be the experience of a lifetime. I will share my travels and quirky stories with my friends and family. I will be the adventurer that I have grown to be. I might not be perfect, I may have much to learn in this life, but I am looking forward to the challenge.

At times it may seem that I am destined to walk a solitary path in life. Even the person who is leading the solitary life is never alone. We carry those who are most important to us in our hearts. All we need is a sail to catch the wind and lead us where we are supposed to go. I never said I didn't need anyone. I need, just like anyone else, someone to listen when I need to talk. Someone to watch a movie, tv show, or sporting event with. Someone to remind me when I'm feeling low that I matter in this world. I might act like I don't, but those who really know me and care know better. I also know that I would do anything for those I care about in the same need.

So, thanks for listening as always. My excitement can't be contained tonight, and I really wanted to talk and be heard. Join me for some fun.

Until we meet again,
Angie

You Didn't Hatch From an Egg

Happy Mother's Day to all of you celebrating or not celebrating. Some people don't have their mommas or are estranged from them for whatever reason. No judgement. A special thanks to those single dads and single moms that played both to your kids. Respect.

As always, I tell no one's story but my own. It might be Mother's Day, but I have the privilege of having Jess as my daughter. I am blessed. Not everyone has a great relationship with their child. She is a reason I exist. When I get sad or lonely, I think of her. When I struggled to pay my bills, she was the reason I got up every day and went to work. She was the reason I found affordable adventures for us. It's never truly a road trip until you get lost, and I seemed to fulfill that each and every time.

I reveled in the crazy fun her friends brought to my home. I was loved for being who I was. I struggled heavily with my self image after my first divorce. Those girls included me, and I was grateful. I lost a lot of weight. I pushed myself to be normal. I took a chance and had a second failed marriage. But, through it all, Jess supported me. She wanted me to be happy. Her encouragement, along with others, brought me to where I am today.

So I think we don't necessarily celebrate just Mom. We celebrate that relationship, good or bad, that helped shape who we are. Those that have a poor relationship with Mom, or maybe none at all...you're still celebrating something. The person that gave you life that due to whatever issue you have still contributed to who you are. Now, your Mom may suck. However, if you turned out fabulous despite her, or to prove her wrong - celebrate that instead of her.

I had to share my random thoughts with you today. I am celebrating life. I wake up, I get out of bed - sometimes reluctantly - to face what the world has to offer me. I don't always like what I get, but in this life, I think most things happen for a reason. Some days are truly awful. Some make the smile shine through your whole being. I hope for more of the latter.

Today count your blessings. Eat that cake. Drink that drink. Take that chance. It's the celebration of birth and where we come from. Love to you all.

Until we meet again,
Angie

Beer, Boys, Whiskey and Retrograde Women

I realized something last week.

I have a defense mechanism. When I am overwhelmed by the world, I do what I need to do to not focus on my pain. Instead, I take on someone else's issue. I focus my anger, frustration, and sadness into someone else's problem. I bury that depression for as long as I can. I do strengthen from being alone, but the pain sometimes is enormous. I want to say that I'm healthy and I handle my depression in an appropriate manner. Key is, I want to say that. I don't.

I am not as strong as you think I am sometimes. You may inadvertently hurt my feelings, and people have. What I need from you is honesty and caring. Don't lie. I have zero tolerance for being lied to. Every time I've been hurt, I hear - oh, time heals all wounds. That's a cop out. It doesn't heal them. You still bear the scars from that hurt, and you carry it as baggage. It's when that baggage lessens that we can truly move on. The time when you focus on other things.

Tell me what you really want to say. Don't sugarcoat it. I'd respect you more.

I like to believe that I am one of a kind. Oddball? Yes. As kind as I seem? Yes. It's not an act or a game. I believe in karma - therefore I try to treat everyone as I wish to be treated. Do I have harsh moments? Well, fuck yes. Every person does. Sarcasm is also a coping mechanism for me. If I am uncomfortable, I use humor - often sarcastic humor- to distract.

I know I've talked about depression before, but today I mention this because I asked for help. I was scared of the emotional roller coaster I was on.  Turns out my thyroid was whacked out. I still blame the retrograde for the wicked, wicked infusion of negativity and generally shitty feelings for that timeframe. Yeah, yeah- believe what you want. I believe what I want. I have much experience in oddball stuff with zero explanation for it, so whatever.

This is the year that I figure it all out. Instead of Clarissa, I hope that it's Angie explaining it all. This is unlikely, I'm sure. I know a little about a lot of things. But...I know nothing about certain things. Naive, clueless...at times. The opposite sex? You all are a mystery to me. I have guy friends and seriously? You fellas do NOT give good insight. I kid. I think you guys are great, and when you listen to me, it means a lot.

Things to do this year? Well...
Long road trip- maybe a several day drive. Windows down, music cranked, celebration of life.
St Louis - I need a willing accomplice. I fully intend to go to the City Museum again.
New things. I need to expand my world. I don't put anything past me. (Except no jumping from planes, at least not intentionally)
Concert? Possibly
I am such a spur of the moment gal. I could decide tomorrow that I am going away next weekend to Timbuktu and just do it. I have. ( Not Timbuktu, and when I have the funds to do so). And now? I have a passport...look out!
Always time to listen to new music, new podcasts or watch new shows.(all of the latter today, as a matter of fact. I have to say - some things are especially amusing)
And damn it...I am going back to Wizard Quest at the Dells. I enjoyed that. Solving puzzles, looking for clues in a fantasy world?? Well, they don't call me Geek Girl for nothing.

I share things, but I don't uber share. I'm sure you all know someone who does. There are still some things I do not tell. Not to anyone. Some stuff has to remain private. Just trying every day to survive this thing called life with as few scars as I can, and live it to its fullest. Do I drink? I do. I'm not Mary Poppins. Life isn't a damn spoonful of sugar all the time. But...I can also do without it. That's the key. I know how much I can have. I've learned the hard way of when to stop.

I don't like to feel that I need someone to talk to. You have your own lives. But, as I was reminded by a dear friend of mine, that's what friends are for. You might not see each other all the time, but guess what? Still here. This goes both ways. I am here if you need to talk. To vent. Or just to talk about life driving around in a car all night. I'm your gal. The people that I am especially addressing know, or should darn well know this. I'm a pro of switching to someone else's issues, so I can read those of you  who hold things inside.

Always a purpose with me and my blog. This week- depression is very real. It's very scary, and she fights like a bitch. Has one hell of a sucker punch. Don't be afraid to ask for help. It doesn't make you weak. It shows that you want to fight back. That you don't give up that easily. People care. You will always be missed if something happened to you. It's caused by a lot of things, and sometimes you don't get better without help. Never give up.


Things are looking up, my lovelies.

Until we have the privilege of meeting again,
Angie

More Lessons? Will the Learning Ever Stop?

What a week.

I am 3 weeks into my new job. I like it, but will admit that it is stressful. I want to shut off at the end of the day. Just off. No words. No deep thoughts. Just off. Now, anyone who knows me even a little bit knows my mind is on 24-7. I try to go to bed early to try to alleviate said stress and I make more. It goes a little bit like this:

*opens eye* 11 pm - Body:I'm tired - go back to sleep,  Stress: Hey girl - what's up? Mind: Are you two kidding me right now?*after 30 minutes, dozes off*

*opens eye* 1 am -  Body: Knock it off! Stress: Let's discuss your love life and why it sucks, Mind: If I fall asleep right now, I will still get a few hours in. *tosses and turns, falls asleep 45 minutes later*

*opens both eyes* 3 am - Body: I hurt everywhere, are we seriously going to do this? Stress: Let's think about what's wrong with you, and why you can't get along with certain people. Mind: Fuuuuck! Now I have to pee. *Gets up, uses the bathroom. Checks phone. Thinks about work for tomorrow. Goes on for about 30 minutes. Falls back into a deep sleep*

4:15 AM - Guess what? Let's get up! *Body, Stress, and Mind all give the alarm clock the middle finger*

Yeah, it's a nightly dance I perform called life. Good stuff.
On to the lessons.

I have discovered a few things:
1) If you watch Arrow and Flash before bed, you have some pretty amazing Superhero type dreams. Might be why I keep waking up in a pile of covers like I'm thrashing around in bed. Trust me, there is  no other reason involved.

2)Alcohol is a pleasant thing. I'm not saying I need it every night - exactly. A few glasses of wine relaxes me. Several glasses makes me happy. Shots make me stupid. Wine is good, vodka is better, rum is ok, but tends to give me a headache. Tequila- well, that's the liquor that makes bad Angie come out. This is why margaritas tend to be no more than two. Whiskey- various unpredictable reactions. Drunk Angie = honest Angie. Once I've had a few, I no longer have a filter.

3)Singing in the car makes me happy. Kareoke after a few drinks also makes me happy. I suck far less than I thought. No one booed and threw things at me. Granted, it was Jimmie, Linda, and I - but if you really suck, you can gage it from your friends' reactions.

4)I am way proud of myself for taking my Minnesota trip. I am ok being alone, but I had spent the past couple birthdays with a companion. I like hanging with people, don't get me wrong - but this was a me trip. Time to recharge. To remember I am kind of a cool chick. I'm not a troll. People like me for  being myself, being real.

5)I like to send people things to make them smile. Or laugh. It makes me happy. I don't do this for everyone, mind you. I have some folks that are way more than just friends to me. You all mean the world to me, and I hope it shows.

6)Every day that I think my daughter is done surprising me, she goes one step higher. This girl - she doesn't settle for the ordinary. She fought hard to get to where she is, and now? New job, higher pay. Go get 'em, Jess! That's my girl. I am so freaking proud of you and humbled to be your mom and your friend.

7)Coffee is my soulmate. The amount of caffeine I can handle astonishes even me.

8)I won't be supermodel material tomorrow. I know- shocker! If I want to lose weight, I will. I just want to be healthy, happy, and cared about. If I have a few extra pounds, it isn't the end of the world. All women, no matter what their size, are beautiful. I think the body is amazing and I like art of the body- male, female - doesn't matter. Women with curves are sexy. Guys with a belly are sexy. To me, it's the eyes, your smile, your sense of humor - the whole package. Never drawn to just one type.

9)Dealing with your ex husband is not enjoyable. I'd rather not. I also know why with 100% certainty why we are no longer married. I personally believe that marriage isn't a necessary component.
I've had two. I don't see the point of three. If you want to be with someone, it is your choice. A relationship is only as good as the communication in it. Are you friends? Do you like any of the same things? Do you enjoy sex? If something good happens to you, is this the person you want to share it with? Do they make you smile? If you can't say yes, then maybe that's not what you need. I couldn't be with someone if I can't share things with them. It is possible to connect with someone and never have a marriage.

10)I still love to write. I always will.

So yes, once again the self proclaimed Geek Girl learns more about life and such. And shares with you...you poor, poor suckers. Only kidding.

Much love until we meet again-

Angie

Huxley Never Had This Vision

Whole new world.

This promotion stuff is good. It's interesting. I have more freedom, I don't have to talk to the mean people about their created drama (granted, some escalation calls truly serve a purpose. Most do not). I can bask in the glow of the quiet - which I love. I'm a little scared and nervous, but I think that's true with anything different. I just feel all these emotions inside as of late. I mostly hold it inside. Am I thinking of my own mortality? I don't know.  I hate it - this feeling of thinking I don't matter. I know I do when I take a minute and think rationally, but sometimes you go to that dark place down the rabbit hole. The place where you're completely alone. It feels like no one is gonna pull you out of that hole. They have their own lives.

Now that's a bit ridiculous, I do admit. I've touched lives. I know this. Depression comes and goes, and sometimes you just need to talk. I'm a person who trusts few with the deep stuff. If I'm telling you stuff that's feelings related, you're in my inner circle. I've been burned more than once. I've been hurt physically and emotionally. You have coping mechanisms that come into play. Don't get too close - because the minute you trust, the football is getting yanked. Or at least, I feel that from time to time.

I am telling you all this for a purpose. It is a) not to feel sorry for me.
I am sad right now - yes. But will it pass? Yes it will.
And b) everyone gets sad. It's normal. It's when you can't talk about it, or sweep it under the rug that there's a problem. I don't want to die. I matter in this world. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

It's gonna be ok. I'm gonna be ok. So many folks feel like they aren't. No matter how bad you have it - someone else has it worse. Guaranteed. If that job falls through, if your crush doesn't like you back, if someone talks shit behind your back - so what? I've seen friends beaten to the point of serious brain injury, I've lost a family member to an industrial accident suddenly, and I've seen kids and animals that are starving or being abused. You're not alone. You're never alone. There is always someone who cares. Someone who wil reach down that hole with all of their strength until they pull you out.

You are loved. You are a force in this world. You will figure out your purpose. If you are meant to be with someone you will. If you aren't, that's ok too. Life is a precious, precious gift. Don't waste it.

Love each other always.

An Upside Down Tale in a Right Side Up World

Well, dear friends, this is my short story. I enjoyed writing this, so I hope you enjoy reading it equally as well. I truly believe that I was meant to write. Please feel free to share your opinions with me - good or bad. You can private message if you feel like you can't comment for the majority to see. As always, thanks for your support in all that I do.




The sky turned green, less like a shamrock but more the color of someones skin right before they manage to lose their lunch. I watched his eyes scan his surroundings, giving the facade of cool. He was like Sinatra at the Sands with the Rat Pack. As always, the epitome of calm. He fascinated me.

I was one to panic. My palms sweat, my body quivers, I tend to stammer - no one 

could ever mistake me for suave. Yet, a storm chaser was all I had ever wanted to do. Something about the pinnacle of anxiety gave me that rush, almost sexual in nature. As my fears rise, it is like I am reaching that orgasmic frenzy that only sex can give me. It's shockingly close.

I began to feel the air change as it stilled. My girl was coming. Tornadoes to me were always girls. They were temperamental, unpredictable, moody - and could potentially be life sucking bitches. I had followed her from Topeka. She started out small, teasing me. She gradually enveloped the unstable air, and grew exponentially. Starting out as a F1, my girl was now an upper F3 on her way to be a sure F4. 

My storm chasing partner was a lifer. He can't imagine doing anything but this for the rest of his life. I liked the rush, but someday I would settle down - leave the life of "luxury" - aka sleeping in a camper, eating meals out of cans or crappy diners. 

Until then, I slept as it allowed during twister season. Winters usually found me studying weather anomalies for the next season. I was fortunate as my father left me money when he passed. It wasn't a fortune by any sense of the word, but I survived without a second job.

"Tessa!" My cohort snapped me out of my daydream. "We need to go. We need to go...NOW." As I came back to reality, I saw her. My girl, now a healthy robust F4, was taking a turn. This turn was not common, as generally they never double back. Not today. I could see her sister, off to the left, headed on a collision course for my girl. Not good. Dual vortexes usually spelled dangerous trouble. Worse yet, now they were headed right for us. James, usually the cool headed one, was now in panic mode.

I went into automatic pilot as I had done before. Jumped in the driver's seat, threw the gearshift in reverse, and dropped the pedal to the floor. I was anxious, but felt so alive. Had James offered sex at that moment, we would have been sweaty in that camper until I screamed out his name. Jesus. I was so turned on.

"Are we gonna make it?" James screamed in my ear. I looked at the twins whirling and twirling, growing in size and velocity. My rational side said no, we could not beat the speed of these ladies. However, I said, "I didn't come this far to back down. Hang on!" I spun the wheel, and did a 180 to my right. It was going to be awfully close. It wasn't just the speed. It was if they knew we were interlopers on their turf.

The sound a twister makes as it bears down on you is something you never, ever forget. So often people describe it as the sound of a freight train. I get that, but I liken it more to the sound you hear with open car windows driving at 100 miles per hour - trust me, I know. Storm chasing was the career I stumbled on after race car driver and ambulance driver. I was the go to gal in this sort of situation, because I could handle any vehicle well in any situation. Well, I used to be able to say that. Until the twins got what they wanted. 

The back end of the camper caught the edge of the smaller vortex and lifted us into the air. James, who never managed to wear his seat belt, was sucked out the passenger window. It was like a horror movie moment. I heard him scream briefly, then just the sound of the tornado. I just held the wheel and closed my eyes. Daddy, your baby is coming. Round and round I went, then boom! 

I cautiously opened my eyes. I expected to see ruins everywhere, nothing left standing. I was not prepared for this. 

Beings of a shade of blue surrounded the vehicle. They had human features - kind of. All were lovely, but asexual. I was unable to tell if there was a distinction between male and female. Hair was an androgynous style, faces with full lips and eyelashes for days was all I saw. A tall one came to my door. It spoke.

"Be not afraid. We mean you no harm. We are just curious, as you look so different from us." I stared into the greenish gold eyes, and felt oddly at peace. I opened my door, and stepped out of the camper. My new friend put its arms around me, in a warm embrace. "You are beautiful. We wish you joy," my benefactor whispered in my ear. I felt what may have been its arousal on my leg. Interesting.

I was taken to a place of wonder. It seemed as if everything here was colorful, and full of passion. In a room off to the side, bodies enjoyed the pleasures of one another. I'd call it an orgy back home, but here it seemed a religious experience. Hands touching, lips kissing,organs intermingled...my desires seemed heightened. I found myself longing to be one of the participants. I became wet with desire. Oddly, my benefactor sensed it. 

The fingers stroked the small of my back, and it whispered in my ear, "I can satisfy your desire." Its lips kissed my neck, as the  hands fondled my breasts. I should be protesting, but somehow, I was more erotically charged than normal. I allowed myself to be touched. A second set of lips kissed the insides of my thighs. I closed my eyes, and felt wave upon wave of orgasm take my body. I might not know what these things were, but my body responded to them sexually.

After a few hours, I came out of the sexual fog I was in, and got up from being intertwined with my benefactor. I put my clothes on, and went wandering in this new world. Trees, skies, ground...it was all different. The sky was a greenish blue, the ground burgundy, trees purple...where was I?

I stood in the street, and heard it. "Tessa. Come inside." I went to the doorway of the large green building, opened the door, and went inside. A tall blue person looked at me and said, "The mayor is waiting for you." I peered down what was an enormous hallway and ventured forth. Floor to ceiling mirrors surrounded me, a green light cast a glow all around. Apparently I was not in Kansas anymore.

An oddly dressed little person stood before me at the end of the hallway. "Tessa, I assume?" I nodded my head, stunned by all that I had seen and was seeing. "Come now, don't dawdle. The mayor very seldom grants an audience." I followed quickly behind tiny legs, afraid I'd trip over my own feet and smash this poor soul. 

The room I found myself in was massive. If I yelled, I was sure to hear my voice echo back. In the center of the room was a large throne, glittering with emeralds and diamonds. In the seat, a black and white cat sat, staring at me. The cat looked as if it knew something and wanted to share it with me. The little person left me standing before the cat and exited the room. I wondered if this were the mayor's pet. Looking into its eyes, I was startled to hear the cat say, "You know it isn't polite to stare." My jaw dropped. 

"I..I am sorry. It's just...well, in my world, cats don't talk," I stammered. The cat's eyes got large, and appeared to have a smirk on its face. "Maybe you just aren't listening. Ever think of that? We all speak the same language, just harder to hear in some places," the cat said, a hint on disdain in its voice. 

"As you should have guessed by now, I am the mayor. I am Mr Buttons." I suppressed a giggle. Mr Buttons fixed me with a withering stare. "You seem awfully amused for one whose fate lies in my paws." He pulled a pipe from the side table. Looking at me, he lit up and took a puff.  "Catnip? I smoke only the purest blend." Once again, I choked back a laugh. Mr Buttons narrowed his eyes to slits. Clearly I had angered him.

  

"You pathetic woman! I command respect. I think some time in isolation will change your attitude," Mr Buttons spat. Suddenly I was surrounded in large blue beings, but these were definitely of the male persuasion, unless every being here has giant muscles and a bulge in their pants. I was unceremoniously picked up, and taken to the isolation room.

The room was dark and dank, no windows at all. It was rather small, with a single bed in the corner, and bathroom facilities midroom. Apparently privacy didn't apply in this prison, which I always thought I was too cute for. Great job, Tessa. Your mouth always gets you into trouble. I flopped down on the bed and stared at a nondescript ceiling. What was I going to do? Apparently Mr Buttons was angry from being laughed at from what he viewed as a far lesser being. But really...Mr Buttons? Smoking catnip like it is hash? My mind is in sensory overload. 

In the corner across from me, I saw a shimmer of light. But there wasn't anything there, and there was little light in this room to begin with. What was that? About ten seconds later, I saw it again. When the flash of light happened, the air around it glowed and had a translucent quality to it. 

The air then popped with little shiny sparks being emitted from nowhere. I saw a hand reach through, then a leg, and a small purple body popped out of the air. 

"Discombobulated way to travel. Gadzooks!" I stared at this tiny purple being. It had giant green eyes, 4 fingers on each hand, a large round belly, and it wore a topcoat. It carried an umbrella in its hand. "Tessa, I am Xanical. I am a traveler between dimensions. I saw you get sucked into this dimension and I followed you here. I know you humans have no concept of this. I figured you might need help."

Looking down into the green eyes, I felt kindred to this creature. I did not feel the sexual attraction as I had to the blue beings. I felt as if I knew Xanical. The guards in the corridor stirred. "Xanical! You have to go. They can't find you here,"

I hissed in a stage whisper. "Nonsense! The plane you see me in is singular to you. No one else. They cannot see me. The only one that can sense me, other than you, is Mr Buttons. The only reason he can do that is that he exists on nine planes at once. You know how you have always heard that cats have nine lives? It's kind of true - but they are concurrent. They are not sequential, " Xanical explained. Incredible. 

"How do I get home? Is Mr Buttons the only one who can send me home?" Xanical scratched his head. "I am not sure. The manner in which I travel between dimensions is something I have never seen a human do. The way you ended up here was a rip in the dimensional wall. The force of the tornadoes together did this. You know that tornadoes of that magnitude are rare, the combination of the two together is like winning the lottery. I am trying to fathom a way to get you home. Hopefully without having to curry Mr Buttons' favor." His huge green eyes looked solemn. I knew that Xanical was concerned. That worried me a bit.

One of the big blue bumbling guards appeared at the door, a tray of sustenance in his hands. "Insignificant life form! Mayor Buttons has taken pity on you. Here is something to keep you from starving." I was given a bowl of oatmeal looking food that seemed to possess a glue like quality. A glass of green juice was also on the tray. I took the tray and sat back on the bed. The guard lumbered away, and Xanical spoke. "What in the universe is that swill? Disgusting!" I looked at him and said, "I know, but as you said, you don't know if I can travel in your manner. The sister tornadoes of F5 levels is a never event. Keeping Mr Buttons happy might be my only shot at going home." Taking a spoonful of the oatmeal mush, I plugged my nose and swallowed. The words chalky and bitter would have been kind as to what this was. Nasty. I took a sip of the green juice. Thick. Marshy. Vomit. These are all the good things I can say about it. 

"Tessa, don't give up hope. I am going to ask a few other beings on this. Give me 24 hours. I promise I will be back." Xanical slowly faded into the air with more shimmering light. Once again, I found myself alone in the dank cell. Home, such that it was, was looking pretty amazing right now. If I ever made it back, my life was going to change. Period. No more storm chasing. No more coasting through life. I was in a sentimental mood as Mr. Buttons came to the cell door.

"Well, pathetic human. Have you changed your tune? I am feeling a bit forgiving at the moment. I suspect it was the catnip." I looked at Mr Buttons, and figured I had best try to get along. " Oh yes, Mayor Buttons, sir. I am truly sorry for mocking you in the manner I did. I beg your forgiveness, " I replied, looking remorseful. 

His eyes narrowed. "Even though I suspect this a weak attempt to placate me, I have a proposition for you. A favor, if you will, " Mr. Buttons rubbed against my legs. At home, this would be a cat showing affection. Here, I wasn't quite sure what it meant. I shivered uncomfortably.

"I need someone to find Socks," Mr Buttons looked at me with a knowing look. My mind spun. Socks? Socks? Like the kind you wear? "Whhhaaat exactly is socks?" I stammered. "Silly human. Socks is a who, not a what. Socks is my daughter. She is very independent and headstrong. Her mother died shortly after she was born. She was pampered in every way imaginable. Last year, she ran away. I have had the kingdom searched high and low for her, to no avail," he said, a bit of sadness in his voice. "We have a new lead though."

My head began to spin. How could I find anyone, a being completely out of my own dimension? Mr. Buttons was clearly insane. 

"Relax, human. I'm not sending you on an uncharted course. I believe Socks to be with humans, such as yourself, in the next locality over. You may be able to reason with her. Being a mere...pet. How is that a way to live? She is my legacy. Once I pass on all planes, she will take her rightful place as queen. That is, if you can convince her to come home. Or shall I say... ONCE you convince her to return home." I shuddered at the last statement. It seems my release is contingent on my bringing Socks home. Great. 

I was taken from the grey dankness of prison, and brought to a room filled with more clothes than I had ever seen in my life. Strange for a land with blue people and cats as rulers, but who was I to judge? There may have been human inhabitants prior to the current situation, or - and I hesitated to consider the alternative - maybe these are clothes from prisoners? If that was the case - where did they go? Not something I wished to ponder long. A tall blue being approached me, voice decidedly feminine.

"Miss Tessa? Mr Buttons insisted that we do something about your clothing. He referred to it as homeless chic...he can be so cruel sometimes. Please call me Bix. My full name is much more than I would ever wish for anyone to learn," my blue companion smiled. Her eyes were unusual. The color was best described as pink sparkles - not like the eyes of an albino being in any way. Her blue hands expertly manipulated a tape measure, measuring my waist, my hips, and my breasts. I was not thin, but not overly large. I liked to think of myself as curvy, which had always been the consensus from my boyfriends. They (not that there were many) always liked that little extra to hold onto. Plus, I ate like a guy, which seemed to be a plus. 

"I think this dress will fit just fine," Bix replied after surveying the selection with an expert eye. I took it from her hands and looked at it carefully. The top was fitted, with a flowing skirt. I slipped it on, and it was as if it were made for me. Blacks, greys, and whites gave it a geometric pattern which complimented my figure perfectly. "It's amazing, Bix. I don't think I have ever looked so nice before." She looked at me and smiled. "You look like her, you know." My mind raced. Her? 

"I sense your questions, Tessa. Let me explain. Mr Buttons was himself once a pet, as was his mother, as was his grandmother, and so on. My race brought Mr Buttons here. We've watched Earth for an immense amount of time. We have sought a fair and just ruler to lead us. Mr Buttons' ancestor was the pet of your grandmother Amelia. She was kind and beautiful. She treated everyone with importance and respect. Amelia was our choice to come be our leader. We were set to open a dimensional portal when we watched her love for your father. The love was pure and unconditional. Your father was a sickly baby and suffered with a great deal of colic. Amelia rocked him for hours upon hours, rubbing his chest with peppermint oil, sitting near a kettle on the stove to try to soothe her son. She never once complained. Never once. Mr Buttons's ancestor, Bootsie, loved that wee mite as well. Bootsie would curl up next to baby and keep him safe and warm. The thought of taking Amelia from your father was too much to bear. I myself was the deciding vote against," Bix revealed. I looked at her with shock. How? How could that be? 

"Imagine my surprise to see your face today, Tessa. I think maybe it's a little bit fated that you be the one sucked up into the vortex. Amelia shines through you like a diamond. You are definitely her grandchild." I smiled. Grandma Amelia was my guiding light. My mother passed away when I was small, and she cared for me when my father's grief enveloped him. She was my confidante, my friend, and a magician all wrapped into one. I instantly knew if anyone could be connected to this world, it would be her. I also knew that she would not have rested until Socks was safe at home. 

"Tessa, I don't have many powers left, as old as I am, but I want you to see this. I thought your grandmother was the most incredible person I had ever seen. You deserve a glimpse of who she was," Bix murmured. She touched my temple ever so gingerly. "Close your eyes, Tessa." I closed them, and it was if a television was playing in my head. There was my grandmother, holding my father and singing to him. She appeared to be so peaceful. I would swear if I didn't know better that my grandmother was an angel. It would not have surprised me to see wings wrapped around the two of them. This was young Amelia. I began to openly weep. 

"Oh child, don't cry. I didn't show you to make you sad. Just to show you her incredible nature. Also, to remind you that her many gifts live on. In you." Once again, I smiled. "Bix, thank you. My heart is indeed happy." She hugged me, and left the room. I put on a pair of shoes, embracing both comfort and style and proceeded on my way.

The road was well paved, brick of an indeterminate shade of perhaps yellow. It appeared to have lost some luster over the years. I had been told my destination wasn't far, and the path should get me there with little effort. Up a hill, around a cornfield where a scarecrow was perched above the tassel tops of the corn stalks. He looked familiar, but my mind wouldn't connect him to why. I stared at the stuffed figure for a moment and I swear he winked at me. I blinked my eyes, and shrugged off what I was sure was my imagination. 

As I continued to walk, a cottage popped up on the left. Outside, I saw a metal figure that appeared to be chopping wood. Beings here were certainly creative. Hanging around its neck was a heart shaped clock which was still ticking. How nice to be able to know the time. I peered into the clock face and saw that the measure of time here wasn't quite what I expected. The clock, instead of numbers, had close, closer, hot, hotter, on fire, cold, freezing , and off the beaten path written on it. How peculiar. The hand was currently pointed to closer. The metal figure had incredibly lifelike eyes and once again, I got that feeling of familiarity. This land was certainly odd.

Ahead lay a stretch of woods. I was almost hesitant to enter, as it seemed to grow darker and darker inside. As I started towards it, the air shimmered and popped loudly. "Tessa! There you are! I looked for you in the jail cell and you were gone. I was hoping maybe Mr Buttons sent you home." Xanical looked at me quizzically. "They've dressed you in finery. What manner of delusion is this?" I laughed. "Xanical, it's no delusion. Mr Buttons asked me to bring Socks home and he will send me back." Xanical's eyes grew wide, a look of shock on his face. He shook his head. "I don't believe that. I don't think Mr Buttons knows how to send you home. It's a trick. I can't even find a being in any dimension that can send you back," he stammered, the last part almost a whisper. I looked at him with horror. "That...that CANNOT be true! You said...you said before he could send me home. Was one of the only beings who could do that. He's even hinted that he can!" I screamed as tears flowed freely down my face. Xanical cast his eyes downward. "I don't know for sure, but those I have spoken to are extremely powerful beings. If they can't send you back, I doubt Mr Buttons can either."

I shook with pure rage. Why? Why am I in this place? What did I ever do to deserve this? Other than the sexual pleasures brought about by the blue beings, there was nothing here for me. The food was atrocious, no one was like me anywhere, and what would I even do? Hours of mindless sex - wait, no! Damn you libido! Stop going back to carnal pleasures. 

I looked at Xanical and pointed my finger at him. "You will damn well figure out a way for me to go home. Period. End of excuses." He looked astounded, and replied, " You can't always get what you want. Isn't that a song in your realm? I will keep trying, but you might realize that here you are looked on as precious and special - well, other than by Mr Buttons. There are much worse places you can be." Xanical disappeared with a poof. 

I ventured forth into the darkness of the woods. I wept openly, and a large quizzical Beast wandered toward me. It looked like a giant cat, maybe even a lion. It was large enough to eat me on the spot. I looked it right in the eye and spoke. "Go ahead. Eat me. I can't go home. I am lost and sad and frustrated. You may as well finish me off." To my shock, it rubbed against me like a cat, and curled up on the ground next to me. I laid my head on this gentle giant, and wept myself into an exhausted sleep. 

Morning came, and it nudged me with its cold nose. I awoke warm and relaxed, as it kept me safe. "Thank you, my friend. I needed that, " I whispered in its ear.  Purring was the response. I managed to get up and continue forth. The woods became less dark until finally I saw rays of sunlight streaming down. The road was becoming different. The dirty yellow brick turned into a sidewalk. Up ahead, there was a house - a house like I recognized. I began to walk faster. As I got nearer, I saw a small black and white cat sunning itself in the picture window. The tag on her collar said Socks. She looked right at me with huge eyes. Without hesitation, I ran to the front door and rang the bell. The door opened and...

"Tessa! Tessa! Wake up! Oh my god, I can't believe we found you. Thank God you're alive!" I slowly opened my eyes to find myself laying in the middle of a cornfield. I looked up to see two of my coworkers on their knees next to me. I heard an ambulance siren approach. " You were thrown clear of the vehicle in the tornado. James is dead. We had almost given up on finding you until she led us here." I weakly replied, "She? Who's she?"

Just then, a small black and white cat rubbed its head against my face. "That cat. She meowed like crazy until we followed her. She led us right to you." I lifted my hand to give her a nuzzle and noticed she was wearing a collar with a tag. The tag said Socks. The cat looked me in the eyes and purred. 

The ambulance arrived and it was a frenzy of activity. I was put in a neck brace, strapped to a backboard and loaded in. Socks jumped into the ambulance and curled up next to me, keeping me warm and safe. As we were ready to depart, one of the paramedics handed me a necklace. " This must've fallen off. It's a beautiful locket. Just glad we found you, Amelia." My eyes opened wide, and I asked, "Why did you call me that?" He looked at me and said, "Your name is on your locket." I looked at it, and sure enough, it said Amelia. Socks purred loudly.


Until we meet again,
Angie

Stop and Smell The Roses

2016.

As much as we’d like to blame a year for all the tragedies and loss that happened, unfortunately it’s life. Death has a way of coming when we don’t expect it to, or even when we do. Stopping it is a temporary fix. It’s the cycle of life that keeps spinning.

What’s tragic is the amount of talent that was lost in a single year.

Muhammad Ali: He changed the face of boxing and celebrity as we know it today. We would not have our Mike Tysons, our Sugar Ray Robinsons, even our Rocky Balboas without the antics of Cassius Clay.

Gene Wilder: The actor who created the world of pure imagination for so many children. Combine this with so many other great roles – Young Frankenstein, Blazing Saddles, Stir Crazy, Silver Streak and so many other fabulous films – and he will live in our hearts forever.

David Bowie: Musician. Actor. Icon. Unforgettable.

Alan Rickman: The actor we loved to hate. He captured our hearts in the Harry Potter films with the ultimate sacrifice. Always, Alan. Always.

George Gaines: Not all of you will recognize his name, but Commandant Lassard lives on from Policy Academy for me.

Prince: I have no words. The Artist in purple lives on though his music.

Garry Marshall: This writer/producer/actor has touched your life. I guarantee it. If you loved Happy Days, Laverne and Shirley, Mork and Mindy – you have him to thank. Directed movies like Pretty Woman, Beaches and The Princess Diaries. Before all this, was a writer for The Dick Van Dye show, The Lucy Show, and the Odd Couple to name a few. Even acted in a show or two.

Florence Henderson: Mrs Brady. No matter what else in life she did, she will always be Carol Brady.

Alan Thicke: The classic TV dad in Growing Pains. Alan could laugh at life and make fun of himself. That was part of his charm.

George Michael: He may have had life challenges, but no one could deny that this man had talent. A loss at 53.

Carrie Fisher: Princess Leia. A great disturbance was felt in the force today. Carrie was a part of pop culture that was bigger than she was. She will forever live in the hearts of millions.

This is a mere dent in the year’s losses. Death knew no preference. It came to all walks of life. I had my own personal tragedies, as did many of the friends I have in my life. Our losses are not minimized because the people/pets who passed in our lives were not famous. To us, they were everything.

However, instead of focusing on all the tragedies and all the losses, let’s take a minute to think about a few great things that happened in 2016.

The Chicago Cubs won the World Series…No, I’m not kidding. It really happened.

Being a Gilmore Girls Geek – the series revival happened on Netflix.

The World Health Organization has announced that measles have been eradicated in all the Americas.

World Hunger has reached the lowest point in 25 years.

Wild wolves are coming back in Europe, and for the first time since the American Revolution, wild salmon began spawning in the Connecticut River.

Humpback whales and giant pandas are no longer on the endangered species list.

The Olympics – International brotherhood never felt so good.

Pokemon Go – Bringing the world of gaming to life.

I can keep going, but I’ll let you figure out what the good is in 2016. Find your smile. Take a huge bite out of life while you can, and let the juices drip all over your face. You can dwell on what sucks in life, or you can pick yourself up and remember what makes you who you are. Maybe you’ll be surprised that someone thinks you’re incredible or maybe you won’t. Love yourself first. Then, God willing, let others love you back. Let’s have a fantastic 2017.

Until we meet again,

Angie