Painful then, lesson learned now

It's Sunday morning, and I had a desire to read over some of my writing. I hadn't necessarily forgotten this poem, as I remember the point that I wrote it quite well. The thing that I did not remember is the power of the emotions I let out when I created it. I poured every ounce of pain and hurt that I was feeling into this poem. I have shared this with a precious few people after I wrote it. Going back and rereading it, I decided it is something that I am ready to share publicly. I'm not this person anymore. My hopes in sharing it is that if someone else is struggling with where they are at in a relationship, that this will give you the strength and inspiration to walk away.

I thank each and every one of my friends for the outpouring of love and support you gave to me at a time when I needed it the most. I wish to extend special thanks to my mom - I love you. Also special thanks to Duffy Thomas, Jess Wiegert, Rachel Schmitt,and Robin Hinerichsen - each of you contributed greatly to helping me see who I really am. It's a debt I can never truly repay.

Casting eyes downward,

She avoids the gaze of others.

Questions she is not ready for,

She draws the strength inside her,

Making painful decisions.

A bag of her belongings on the floor,

She is on the run again,

Alone in her car.

A sanctuary where she escapes

A place that has no judgment.

She has become skilled at hiding,

Makeup camouflages her shame.

Outwardly, she appears unscathed

Hardly a flaw shows.

Inside, her soul is shattered.

No one knows or suspects

The control executed.

She becomes a child without opinion,

Without value.

She feels very small.

Looking in the mirror,

When did it happen?

She can be beautiful and vivacious,

Yet this part has been stolen,

Invisibility and worthlessness remain.

Her true nature screams inside,

Pushing, clawing, seething,

Reminding her that she is worth it.

She must break free,

End the cycle.

It has been too long

Since she felt pretty,

Since she was desired,

Since intimacy played a role.

She is merely subservient.

He makes her decisions,

He allows no compromise,

Expecting a slave from their union,

Friends cease to exist,

He exerts total control.

She knows this must end,

Living this way is insane,

But the fear is just below the surface.

It can explode at a moment’s notice,

And claim her in the fallout.

Run.

You have the power.

You have the strength.

You are more than this,

And you are worth it.

 I hope each of you are always the person you were meant to be.

Until next time,

Angie French