Feelings – Wait...I have those?

Gotta keep those lovin’ good vibrations a happenin’-a la the Beach Boys?

Or is it more  -It’s such a good vibration, It’s such a sweet sensation…come on, come on…feel it, feel it…Feel the vibration- a la Marky Mark?

I tease, of course. Yes, I feel things. Yes, I have emotions. They range from awe and wonder, like a small child discovering things for the first time, to passionate and heartfelt. It’s only within the past few months that those emotions have come to the surface, and I have allowed them out again. I had been so guarded before that I kind of shut all of that deep feeling up inside. When you perceive yourself to be small, to let someone know they can hurt you takes away even the slightest shred of dignity. You become a “yes” person. Whatever they say, whatever they want- you go along with it because that’s how to avoid conflict. If you show emotion, you give that person power over you. When you are alone though, you can let that emotion out. I am not ashamed to tell you that I cried many times with frustration, anger, hurt, and pain in my marriage. A healthy, caring relationship would have allowed give and take, and discussion of such unhappiness. That being said, as you can guess, it did not happen.

I had become the master of avoiding real conflict. Being the child of divorced parents, conflict in my mind was the bad thing – it was the thing that caused marriages to end. Even though the rational me knew the only way to communicate unhappiness was to talk about it, the fear had overtaken me. I’m not saying that in marriage #1 or marriage #2 that if I had communicated better, things would have been better. I don’t know that. I do know that it would have been the healthier way for me to approach things. Lack of communication sadly was only one of the factors leading to the breakdown.

No matter what - never, ever lose your sense of self. Each of us has our flaws. Our flaws are what make us who we are, not our perfections. Do not let someone change who you are at your core. It is the person that allows you to be yourself - someone who opens your possibilities instead of trying to control you – who is worth your time.

I know that a healthy relationship is give and take. It is not one person calling all the shots. It is allowing both parties to have an opinion. Sometimes you may disagree. That’s ok. If you disagree, talk about it. Don’t stubbornly dig your heels in and refuse to see it any other way. In other words, don’t be a child. It’s ok to argue, but remember, the best way is to stop, ponder, and see if you can see the issue from the other person’s point of view. Take into consideration the other person’s feelings. Some people have an obsessive need to be right. Probably not the way to approach your problems.

I am far from being an emotions/relationship expert. I have learned and grown. I enjoy not knowing everything, exploring little by little, and seeing what happens. I know compromise is important, as well as communication. It helps to have fun with the other person. Show them that you care. Even the smallest gesture at the appropriate time can have a huge impact. Sometimes, the gift of their time is a giant indicator of how much they care, especially when time is a precious commodity.

So these “feelings” I speak of? Feelings are so many things – intense, powerful, comforting, freeing, caring, amazing – I could go on and on. To be alive is to have feelings. That, my friends, is how you find this girl. I am alive, I am happy, and I am who I am meant to be. This girl – well, she is fabulous. Show your feelings. Allow yourself to be a bit vulnerable and step out of that comfort zone. I guarantee it will pay off in spades – maybe not today, or even tomorrow – but every day remember today is what we make it to be. Imagine the potential!

Until we meet again,

Angie