Birthdays Are An Acceptable Reason To Eat Cake

Age is only a number, right?

I have been having a week full of angst over my upcoming birthday. Turned 30 - no problem. Turned 40 - not thrilled, but I lived. 45 - I was already in a crappy marriage, so I wouldn't have noticed a small thing like a birthday. Explain to me in logical terms why 47 is upsetting to me. It's not even a milestone birthday. I feel a bit ridiculous, but I think this year's birthday is bothering me a little bit. Maybe it's the realization that 50 is coming, maybe I'm just depressed  - it could be a million little things.

Don't get me wrong -my life is pretty amazing most of the time. I have absolutely loved every single minute of the past year since late June. I have taken these incredible trips, met fantastic people, reunited with all sorts of past relationships, and developed into a confident woman. This birthday is just a little itch under my skin and I just want to scratch it until it goes away. I have threatened to remain in bed all day, creating a blanket fort, and taking a coloring book and crayons with me. Ok...let's be realistic. It's more likely that I would stay in bed and take several books with me, and a lovely bottle of wine. Yet, it's there. The anxiety over this year's birthday.

I went out tonight after work with my friend Rachel, and I did buy myself a birthday present. Nothing extravagant, just enough to make me think happy thoughts. I think I have decided that I can have a birthday, but maybe if I don't think about the age portion, I'll do better. Upon reflection, I think the thing is not that I am turning 47. I honestly think that the part that bothers me is that Jess will be 25 this year. What. The. Hell. How is that even possible? She was just born yesterday...or that's how I see it.

It's time to embrace all of it. My age, my spirit, my aging daughter...just because that's all happening does not mean I am in the twilight of my life. The best stuff is beginning. I am a young looking 47. There's that. I have hit my stride. I am more confident now than I have been in over 30 years. I have some things I want in my life. I know the people that make me smile, and that I can depend on. I have to remember that there are things worth waiting for. I need to quit trying to speed things up. Even in fairy tales, the happy ending is on the last page.

So, on April 6th, think of me for a minute, and know that I am going to be just fine. I promise. And - if you want- take a minute and send me a message. It will make my day.

Thank you.
Until we meet again,
Angie