Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore

I have to say that this has been a year of change - excellent, fantastic, mind blowing change. As referencing the above title, a wondrous new world has been laid out in front of me. I have left behind the ordinary, and seek the extraordinary. Is there any other way to be?

I have felt like Dorothy so many times this year. My life, like a whirlwind, spun me around, and set me right smack in the middle of possibilities. I approach each new find with awe, respect, and wonder. I look at the new finds with childlike curiosity, realizing that yes - not only does it exist, but all I needed to do to have new experiences is to go get them. Make it happen. No longer am I content to sit on the sidelines and watch the world pass me by. I am no longer afraid.

The year is winding to a conclusion, and I am still thankful. I just had a marvelous Christmas. Remember, I have been around a few years- but I'd rank it highly among some of my fondest experiences. A special thanks to the entire Thomas family for making me feel welcome, and giving me a memory to treasure. Of course, love to my Mom for a fabulous time.  A singular thanks to Duffy Thomas for time spent together, among many other things. I went home with eyes all aglow, and a heart full of happiness.

One of the things that I will talk about in relation to Christmas is Christmas Eve. I got to do something this year that I haven't been able to in quite some time. Earlier in the afternoon, I went to a nice dinner with Duffy and his family, but that evening, I was invited to watch Christmas movies and drink eggnog. Doesn't sound like much, but to me, this is heaven. Bar none. We watched 2 movies, and drank eggnog by the fire. It was special to me.

So, I found my yellow brick road, and the Emerald City. I often think of myself as the Dorothy getting all glamoured up to see the Wizard. Once presented before him, I realize that to get my fondest desire, I need to defeat the Wicked Witch. In my case, the Wicked Witch is not an actual person. The Wicked Witch is years of self doubt, insecurity, and negative perceptions of myself. To overcome that, and achieve my fondest desires is like Dorothy killing the Wicked Witch. And much like Dorothy, there was an immense satisfaction watching my negativity melt away.

Returning to the Emerald City, I show the Wizard that I have defeated the Wicked Witch. I realize that the Wizard (some magical solution) does not exist. The Wizard is merely a man, as my efforts are merely hard work. Glinda the Good Witch reminds me that my heart's desire has been in me all along - there's no place like home. For my life, home represents that feeling inside me. Home is knowing that I had the power all along to make my life better, to take chances, to live to the fullest, to love, to dream - I am my own magic. So, when Dorothy wakes up, and realizes that all of her friends were there, and there is truly no place like home - I think that there is no better place to be than where I am right now. Watching my future unfold before me, my desires open like so many books, my heart seeking what I truly deserve - to love and be loved. To succeed, to climb the highest mountain, and all of those positive cliches I could reference here - that's what it's all about.

So what does 2015 hold? I don't know. I am okay with that. I know that once again,it's going to be a miraculous year. Happy Holidays to one and all.

Until we meet again-
Angie
(In honor of my Grandma - the Little Angel 0:) )

Above all else be thankful

It has been a little while since I wrote. It's not a bad thing - just a little unusual for me. I write for myself, but I like to share my literary passion.

Thanksgiving has come and gone, and we are rapidly approaching Christmas. I find that my thankfulness has not decreased. In fact, I think it has increased tenfold. I am very fortunate. I have so many people I love and care about and who love and care about me. I have a job. I have a place to live that's warm. I have a car, food, clothes to wear, have traveled this year to places I never expected to go, and so many more incredible things. I want for nothing.

In counting my blessings, I think of those who do not have even a portion of what I have. I make an extra effort this time of year to give to charity. Remember, it is not about the size of the gift. Whatever you have to share, whether it be monetary, or gently used clothing, or household things that you won't use, or non perishable food items, or even time - it can make someone's whole Christmas.

If you have ever participated in a toy drive, and seen the look on a child's face when they receive a toy, you know what I am talking about. It may be the only toy they get this year, and the child is thrilled. The parent of that child is also happy. Sometimes it may even move them to tears. And what do you get? You get the sheer unequivocal joy of knowing that you made a difference. You made that family's Christmas. Does it get any better than that?

To me, Christmas is magical. It always has been, and it always will be. Santa is not just for the smaller set. If you believe, wondrous things are all around us. It's a season of love, of giving. Christmas is the time to let the best of yourself shine. Some people are all about what they are going to get.  I find that my favorite part of Christmas is not what I receive. My favorite thing is what I give. When I find that perfect gift, that, in itself, is the reward. I have that desire to have the recipient open it, and think, wow, she really gets me. When you shift your focus in that manner, the holidays become so much more.

Down to 15 days until Christmas. Give where you can. Help those in need. Spend time with the people you love. That's what true Christmas magic is all about.

That, and words from a classic:

Charlie Brown: Isn't there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about?

Linus: Sure Charlie Brown, I can tell you what Christmas is all about. Lights please.

And there were in the same country shepherds, abiding in the field,

keeping watch over their flocks by night. And , lo, the angel of the 

Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round 

about them. And they were sore afraid, and the angel said unto 

them, "Fear not, for behold I bring you tidings of great joy, which

 shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of 

David, a savior, tis Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto

 you. You shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes lying in

 a manger." And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of

 the heavenly hosts, praising God and saying , " Glory to God in the

 highest, and on Earth, peace, and good will toward men."

That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown. 

Until we meet again, my friends-

Angie

I will think about it tomorrow - for tomorrow is another day

Yes, that is a shout out to one of my favorite movies - Gone With The Wind. I enjoyed when movies like this, or The Wizard of Oz were only played once a year. That's what made them magical. Now any child can own The Wizard of Oz, which to me is a bit sad. Where are the things that were events?
It is an unfortunate commentary on what the everyday world has become.

There are parts of technology I love. I won't deny it. I have the ability to communicate with anyone anywhere at any time. If you don't have the luxury of being with your family, or if you are in a long distance relationship, technology is what keeps it all afloat. Granted, face to face is the best, but if you like to organize your thoughts for a second, then you have the ability to text or messenger. Technology gives you that chance. If you have something that is thought out, you can send an email. Sometimes, you just need to hear that person's voice. Boom - a phone call! You also have Skype (and I really should go all 21st century and learn how to use it!) for those across the country face to face moments.

Yet with all that technology, you can choose to go rogue. My suggestion? Send a card, send a letter, send something that comes from you. We used to pass notes in school. Some of us may even have a note or two left from those times. Why did you keep it? You kept it because it touched you somehow, and by keeping the note, card, whatever - you kept a piece of that person. You can keep emails, but it just isn't the same. Times are changing. What we thought was sweet or romantic, our kids may think is a bit lame. The cool part is when they don't. If you put forth the effort, you can show them that romantic is more than physical. It is the words, the actions, the sweet gestures, and the ability to make someone laugh or smile. Romance is not dead, nor is chivalry. Personal experience tells me so.

So many choices. Options abound, but is this really a good thing? More choices means more chances for error, more things to be uncertain on. Is there really a need for that many flavors of chips? Salad dressing? You name it, I am sure there are very few products in this day and age that do not have a vast selection to choose from. With the massive varieties available, do we not reach the point of overkill? What if tomorrow you woke up, and were told that you can't get your Venti Mocha Frappuccino? All that we can hope to have is coffee, with cream and sugar. Would the world cease to turn? I'm betting no.

My point? Celebrate what you have. Don't lament what you do not. Vast amounts of choices still do not guarantee that you will make the right decision. Tell people that you love them and care about them. Don't let life pass you by, waiting for the right opportunity. You create your special moments. They do not have to be at a certain time or in a certain place. It will be special because you shared something from your heart, regardless of the surroundings. Allow yourself to trust, because this is a good feeling. When you've been hurt, you tend to build that barrier between yourself and the rest of the world. Once those walls come down, you are afraid of the vulnerability. It's okay. Not everyone is going to hurt you. You are something special - don't ever forget that.


With Thanksgiving coming up rapidly, be thankful every day. Smile- pick that happy thought, and run with it. I have a lot to be thankful for. I have wonderful people in my life who embrace every bit of crazy that I possess.  Life is very good.

I will leave you with that thought. Until we meet again, my friends.

Angie

Questions to ponder, musings to have

And a lovely Monday evening to all of my friends.

Now, just so you know, I am in the process of completing a short story. This will be shared once it is complete. I hope it turns out as well as the last one I shared. A good story is a joy to behold. Gives me goosebumps!

I came across this small box of questions, called a Chat Pack. I figured, what the heck? Let's take a few out for a spin, kick the tires, and let's see if anything rattles loose. I love listening to other people's stories. I have since I was a kid. So, to make this interesting, I will share a few questions, and my answers to such. If you so desire, go ahead and address the questions in the comments section. If that makes you uncomfortable, shoot me an email. I'd love to hear from you. I'm at romanticsoul68@yahoo.com.

The first one is: What is your favorite childhood memory?

Now as I see it, I define childhood as pre-teenager. I have many great teenage memories, some which are almost fit to print (almost!).

I'd have to say that my favorite childhood memories involve my Grandma Johnson. She was a heck of a lady - everyone called her Bill. Her real name was Doris, and she hated that so much. I spent many happy summers in Franklin Grove when they lived on a farm. I played with my cousins outdoors. Ah, back in the day when kids had to use their imaginations! We had many a creative tale of pirates, or princesses, or witches. We'd built forts, or pick wild asparagus, or lie under a tree. Games involved dress up, or a deck of cards, or possibly the chickens or sheep. A treat was a frozen Flavor Ice tube, or when they went for groceries, to buy one of those flavored pops from Aldi's - mostly grape or black cherry. Grandma Bill made doll clothes, so my Barbies were always well dressed. She also made the most wonderful stuffed animals. It was a real treat to get one for your birthday, or Christmas. I remember the most incredible bunnies I got once, because Easter came right after my birthday. I also remember a bit later in life that my Grandma made a stuffed lion for a certain gentleman for his birthday (let's just say the name is recognizable, and I hope that he gets a kick out of this if he reads it). That was more for my best friend to give the boy she had a crush on. She had the most amazing talent for crosswords and cryptograms - both were always done in pen. I share a love of cryptograms to this day. Thanks, Grandma!

 She was also a fantastic cook. Her Thanksgiving dinners made you want to eat until you exploded. At Christmas, the cookies, the candy...oh my goodness! She made so many for friends and family that she actually began making the dough in late summer and freezing it. This is why I help my mom bake cookies at Christmas - it's a little piece of my grandma that I carry with me. I miss her terribly. She was my confidant, and I think I get a bit of my personality from her.

Question #2 -What is the strangest thing that has ever happened to you?

Ok, I am a bit of a believer in the unexplained. I know, it sounds ridiculous. Maybe I want to believe that there are ways to communicate with those who have passed away. There are many things that have no logical explanation. I am not a kook. I will not preach the supernatural to you. However, this one time (at band camp,..no, that's not right)...I experienced something in a delirium that I cannot give you a rational justification for to this day. I was about 12 or 13. I was very ill with the flu, and running an extremely high fever (103+). My mom was quite concerned, as I was out of my head. I was so hot, yet could not get warm. She was worried as the fever did not seem to want to break. I would talk to her, but would not make a lot of sense. At one point, I got quiet. My mom asked me if I was ok. I was told I looked at her, and said, " Mom, I'm fine. Grandma Burrows is taking care of me."
Now, bear in mind, I had never met Grandma Burrows. She was my mom's grandma, and died when my mom was little. Shortly after this revelation, my fever broke, and I relaxed. When I was coherent, my mom told me what I had said, and I had no memory of it at all. Maybe sometimes there are greater forces at work after all?

And...question #3: What do you think is your best personality trait? Your greatest talent?

I am not one to brag myself up. It is one thing to be confident, and another to have a bit of humility and modesty. To address the question though, I think the best part of my personality is how much I care. I have a great deal of empathy for people. I have been gifted with a way of seeing myself in their shoes - often able to address their wants and needs. If we are friends, you have zero doubt that I care about you, and would go out of my way to help you if asked. When I admire you, compliment you, or wish you well - I mean it.

My greatest talent?
Well, folks - you read it as often as I post. I'd say that I write well. I am not conceited about it. I love to take words and twist and turn them, making that prose take the shape it was intended to to convey the appropriate feeling or emotion. Best feeling ever? When I am able to tell a story that captures your mind. I want to make you think. I want you to become part of the tale. When I create poetry, it  comes from that place in the depths of my soul. It may be painful, or full of love, or whatever emotion, and I let that creativity loose with free reign. Do I write from personal experience? Sometimes. When I do that, the description is often vivid enough for you to actually see the words become the illustration. Someday my friends...this will be what I am remembered for.

Thanks for humoring me. Chat Pack is a fun little game. Please share your answers, via comments or email. I'd really enjoy that.

Until we meet again,

Angie

Advice to the younger me

Good morning my friends,

I was reading an article in People magazine where these celebrities were giving their younger selves advice, and that idea kind of stuck in my head. What kind of things would I tell the younger version of myself if I could go back and give some insight? It made the wheels in my brain turn.

I am exceedingly happy in my life. The choices I am currently making are rewarding, and fill me with a sense of contentment. The existential me often ponders if I had changed even one facet of my previous life, would I arrive to where I am now? There are choices I made that had consequences - one of which gave me my daughter Jess. I know that I would not want to change or give up the phenomenal person that she is. That being said, I have a few tidbits that I would have shared with teenage Angie.

1) You are amazing, just the way you are - I was constantly in pursuit of being thinner. I look back now and realize that there was absolutely nothing wrong with my figure. Pressure from the world around us at that time gave the perception that thinner is better. Not true. Toned is great, but love yourself. You are the only one with the power to change you. In order to have that physique, to accept who and what you are - you have to love yourself first.

2) Stop being so stubborn - I was set in my ways, and when I felt I was right, or being pressured to do something, I dug my heels in. At times, this meant making stupid choices and sacrificing things I cared deeply about for the sense of being right. No one has to be right all of the time. If you are told not to do something, and you get mad because you were told what to do - don't choose wrong just to prove a point. Keep your values the same as they always were. Talk to that person who gave you an ultimatum. Get past it. Let them know that you feel controlled, and maybe it will be a good conversation.

3) For the love of God, study! - High school for me was more of a regurgitation of knowledge. I was exceedingly good at looking at information, and being able to recall it by memory. I procrastinated with every paper I had to write, I thought nothing of staying up the night before it was due and cranking out a 10 page paper. I am incredibly shocked that I did have a good grade point average.  I went to college without preparation. What a rude awakening! I did horribly my first two years at college. I finally learned how to study, but the effects were far reaching.

4) Abuse can be BOTH physical and mental - It is NEVER ok for you to be abused by physical or mental violence. If a guy lays his hands on you in anger - even one time is far, far too many. Belittling you, making you feel small, saying mean things (too fat, too dumb - to list a few) - mental abuse is sometimes even worse than being hit. You are not crazy. Don't let him make you think you are. If any of you have been hit or made to feel like garbage - get out. It is not worth it. It is not going to stop after one instance. I finally did run, but I should have much, much sooner.

5) Stop and smell the roses - Appreciate the world around you. Don't focus so hard that everything passes you by. Life is amazing. Find that person that completes you. Don't settle. Don't let life become monotonous.

6) There is more to life than TV and couch potatodom - I love a good television show, but I have now learned that losing yourself in a world of sitcoms or movies is not helping you face your problems. Go out there. Grasp the brass ring. You may find that reading, listening to lectures, or pursuing your passions is far more rewarding.

7) Make every day count - Don't live with a regret. Each day is someone's last day. You need to be sure that those around you know how you feel. Take that risk. Tell someone you love them. Find your passion. Discover why you are the way you are, and why you do the things you do. You'll find that happiness is contagious.

I think 16 year old Angie needed to hear all of those things. I know present day Angie is aware of all of those and other things a hundred times over. I am in the next chapter of my life, and this book is becoming quite captivating. Let's read on.


Until next time,
Angie French

Feelings – Wait...I have those?

Gotta keep those lovin’ good vibrations a happenin’-a la the Beach Boys?

Or is it more  -It’s such a good vibration, It’s such a sweet sensation…come on, come on…feel it, feel it…Feel the vibration- a la Marky Mark?

I tease, of course. Yes, I feel things. Yes, I have emotions. They range from awe and wonder, like a small child discovering things for the first time, to passionate and heartfelt. It’s only within the past few months that those emotions have come to the surface, and I have allowed them out again. I had been so guarded before that I kind of shut all of that deep feeling up inside. When you perceive yourself to be small, to let someone know they can hurt you takes away even the slightest shred of dignity. You become a “yes” person. Whatever they say, whatever they want- you go along with it because that’s how to avoid conflict. If you show emotion, you give that person power over you. When you are alone though, you can let that emotion out. I am not ashamed to tell you that I cried many times with frustration, anger, hurt, and pain in my marriage. A healthy, caring relationship would have allowed give and take, and discussion of such unhappiness. That being said, as you can guess, it did not happen.

I had become the master of avoiding real conflict. Being the child of divorced parents, conflict in my mind was the bad thing – it was the thing that caused marriages to end. Even though the rational me knew the only way to communicate unhappiness was to talk about it, the fear had overtaken me. I’m not saying that in marriage #1 or marriage #2 that if I had communicated better, things would have been better. I don’t know that. I do know that it would have been the healthier way for me to approach things. Lack of communication sadly was only one of the factors leading to the breakdown.

No matter what - never, ever lose your sense of self. Each of us has our flaws. Our flaws are what make us who we are, not our perfections. Do not let someone change who you are at your core. It is the person that allows you to be yourself - someone who opens your possibilities instead of trying to control you – who is worth your time.

I know that a healthy relationship is give and take. It is not one person calling all the shots. It is allowing both parties to have an opinion. Sometimes you may disagree. That’s ok. If you disagree, talk about it. Don’t stubbornly dig your heels in and refuse to see it any other way. In other words, don’t be a child. It’s ok to argue, but remember, the best way is to stop, ponder, and see if you can see the issue from the other person’s point of view. Take into consideration the other person’s feelings. Some people have an obsessive need to be right. Probably not the way to approach your problems.

I am far from being an emotions/relationship expert. I have learned and grown. I enjoy not knowing everything, exploring little by little, and seeing what happens. I know compromise is important, as well as communication. It helps to have fun with the other person. Show them that you care. Even the smallest gesture at the appropriate time can have a huge impact. Sometimes, the gift of their time is a giant indicator of how much they care, especially when time is a precious commodity.

So these “feelings” I speak of? Feelings are so many things – intense, powerful, comforting, freeing, caring, amazing – I could go on and on. To be alive is to have feelings. That, my friends, is how you find this girl. I am alive, I am happy, and I am who I am meant to be. This girl – well, she is fabulous. Show your feelings. Allow yourself to be a bit vulnerable and step out of that comfort zone. I guarantee it will pay off in spades – maybe not today, or even tomorrow – but every day remember today is what we make it to be. Imagine the potential!

Until we meet again,

Angie

Riding the confidence wave

Another Tuesday, another fabulously fantastic day to be alive. My world is not perfect, but it's damn good.

I enjoy waking up each and every day.  I still occasionally have moments of self doubt, but they are not nearly as prevalent as they once were. I remember the sheer rapture I experience in learning new things. I have been guided to some excellent sources to make this happen. I am enthralled with new information. I am listening to podcasts about history, lectures about various topics, and expanding my mind with new fiction - yes, there are books that I have not read. Thank you, Duffy. What a difference you have made in my world - in so many ways. Life is definitely good.

I am excited to report my talented, fabulously beautiful, and slightly twisted daughter will be here in 16 days. She is bringing her boyfriend, who I also enjoy immensely. Jess will be here for her friend Jamie's wedding, as she is in the wedding. It will be a busy weekend ( anyone looking to see Jess needs to remember this !), but I'm the momma, so I rate. I am planning on having her bring me to work on Friday, so that I may show her off. I can't brag on her enough. Just a little proud. Just saying.

So, that's where my life is right now. I feel cared about every day. I wouldn't trade it for anything. The sky's the limit!

For all of my friends and family - I love that you enjoy my Sunday adventures. I want you all to know that I enjoy sharing them with you. I also want you to know that I am very careful when I go. Thank you for being concerned.

Please enjoy one another. Live each day to its full capacities. When you think about your hopes and dreams, let yourself be happy. Smile - it looks gorgeous on you.

Until we meet again,
Angie