Huxley Never Had This Vision

Whole new world.

This promotion stuff is good. It's interesting. I have more freedom, I don't have to talk to the mean people about their created drama (granted, some escalation calls truly serve a purpose. Most do not). I can bask in the glow of the quiet - which I love. I'm a little scared and nervous, but I think that's true with anything different. I just feel all these emotions inside as of late. I mostly hold it inside. Am I thinking of my own mortality? I don't know.  I hate it - this feeling of thinking I don't matter. I know I do when I take a minute and think rationally, but sometimes you go to that dark place down the rabbit hole. The place where you're completely alone. It feels like no one is gonna pull you out of that hole. They have their own lives.

Now that's a bit ridiculous, I do admit. I've touched lives. I know this. Depression comes and goes, and sometimes you just need to talk. I'm a person who trusts few with the deep stuff. If I'm telling you stuff that's feelings related, you're in my inner circle. I've been burned more than once. I've been hurt physically and emotionally. You have coping mechanisms that come into play. Don't get too close - because the minute you trust, the football is getting yanked. Or at least, I feel that from time to time.

I am telling you all this for a purpose. It is a) not to feel sorry for me.
I am sad right now - yes. But will it pass? Yes it will.
And b) everyone gets sad. It's normal. It's when you can't talk about it, or sweep it under the rug that there's a problem. I don't want to die. I matter in this world. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

It's gonna be ok. I'm gonna be ok. So many folks feel like they aren't. No matter how bad you have it - someone else has it worse. Guaranteed. If that job falls through, if your crush doesn't like you back, if someone talks shit behind your back - so what? I've seen friends beaten to the point of serious brain injury, I've lost a family member to an industrial accident suddenly, and I've seen kids and animals that are starving or being abused. You're not alone. You're never alone. There is always someone who cares. Someone who wil reach down that hole with all of their strength until they pull you out.

You are loved. You are a force in this world. You will figure out your purpose. If you are meant to be with someone you will. If you aren't, that's ok too. Life is a precious, precious gift. Don't waste it.

Love each other always.