Grasp the Who's on First Experience and Don't Let Go

Returning from vacation blows. There is no easy way to say that. This is exponentially increased when the vacation you are returning from is like heaven on earth.

I have always dreamed of going to Hawaii. I never in a million years thought that it would even be a possibility. Here's the key - never say never. Anything is possible. I have experienced a lifetime of firsts since my Independence day in June of 2014. It's kind of the thing that drives me. Life is too short. Live it like today is your very last day. I am not saying to go out and do something stupid, but those dreams? Go get them.

In 9 months I have done some pretty awesome things:

1) First and foremost, I walked away from the thing that was dragging me down and making me miserable. I could have stayed, and become some Stepford wife...but why would I want to? I had a conversation with someone very important to me and I realized I had never been truly happy in marriage #2. It was means to an end. I have not looked back.

2) I moved into my own apartment. I have never lived physically alone. Emotionally, I have done it twice. I never looked at it as scary, always with that glimmer of excitement.

3) My personality and my confidence level changed. I became the person I always knew I was underneath - not some scared, shy little girl unwilling to take a risk. Today I am ready to take on the world.

4) I flew to New Hampshire by myself. I had flown one other time by myself, but this was different. I was filled with anticipation. This culminated in New York by the trip's end. I visited several states on this trip: New Jersey, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Maine, and New York. I think we drove through another state also - I want to say it was Connecticut. I also saw the Atlantic Ocean. So many things on this trip were firsts. I saw a Broadway show, visited the Empire State Building, rode the subway, ate at a magnificent restaurant, visited Walden...I could really go on here, but I know I've written about this trip before. I also met some incredible people.

5) Another state visited was Utah to see my amazing Jess. Being able to see her in a stable, loving environment is all I have ever wanted. Seeing it filled me with joy. Some incredible sights on this trip also.

6) Sunday adventures. Never would I have believed that you could have so much fun by yourself. I enjoy the outside adventures the most, but give me something worthwhile to explore indoors and I'm there. I enjoy sharing these adventures with my FB friends.

7) Duffy's December Festo event allowed me to join him toward the end of his trip in Orlando, Florida. I got to meet more incredible people. For a girl who used to shy away from social events, this was a huge stepping stone. It also allowed us to go to Disney World. We visited Epcot and I had my first foray with Moroccan cuisine. Delicious! Second day we visited the Magic Kingdom. Isn't this everyone's idea of Disney? The evening's events were indeed magical, capped by the best fireworks show I have ever, ever seen. Standing there watching this I felt like a little girl.

8) December was a fantastic month all around. Experienced a wonderful Christmas with the Thomas family, and spent some fun filled experiences with Duffy. I got to spend time with both my parents to celebrate family. Nice way to cap off the year.

9) Normally January is the most stressful time at Blue Cross Blue Shield, but this year? Calm. I also had found a new sense of internal calm.

10) February brought a trip to New Hampshire for the best way to spend a weekend. Rest, relaxation, brownies (yes, I am still obsessing on those), and tons of fabulous movies. Best part? Movies that I brought for the majority had never been seen by Duffy. I sandwiched that trip in between snow storms. I got out of New England right before another round of snow.

11) Said trip to Hawaii. So many firsts. I even carried the new experience seeking a step up. I tried a few foods that I have never eaten before. I had tripe, octopus, and many fruity umbrella drinks that I have always seen, but never drank. I became Champion of the World when I went from the Hot Tub into the Cold Plunge pool. Think the Polar plunge. The first day, I was the only one to go all the way in, but did not go underwater. You'd of thought that would be sufficient. Nope. Day 2, I decided to go big or go home. I went all the way in and dunked. Honestly, if you make it to the bottom, going under is not that much more. I think because I did it twice I gave Duffy the motivation to do it. He said that as long as you did it all at once and didn't hesitate, it wasn't that bad.

The Hawaii trip is one that will stay with me for a lifetime. I was able to spend fabulous time with Duffy, his sister Sandi, and her boyfriend John. Sandi and John are terrific companions to adventure with. Vacation rules of not eating at chains or places that we have at home? Done. These two wonderful people are the ones that made the whole thing a possibility. I am forever in your debt. Also, I think the soundtrack of the Volcano State Park trip will never, ever be forgotten. I laughed at some of the music, but sang along to a majority of it. One of the best road trips I have ever had. Sandi- I think we need a shopping trip sometime to make up for the one we missed. John - I'm sorry you didn't catch a big fish. That would have been amazing. I hope the remainder of your vacation is truly wonderful.

So many firsts. One would think I could sit back and breathe for a while. One would think...

I'm looking forward to my next adventure. One day at a time, riding an incredible wave, and seeing where it takes me - my life is extraordinary!

Until we meet again,
Angie

Punxsutawney Phil sees what he wants to see - So should you

Welcome to February.

I have been shockingly silent as of late, but a wise man once told me that if I am going to write, I need to do it for the pleasure of writing. Somehow, the idea of writing for a bit seemed more like a chore than a joy. I prefer to want to write instead of feeling like I have to. Frankly, it isn’t something that a lot of people think about. I know a few folks who read my blog regularly, but if it isn’t there, the world is not going to stop turning.

That said, today I woke up with a smile on my face, and full of happiness. That happiness is going to spill out somewhere, and I wanted it to be in my writing. So much of my life has been out of my control. I lived so long in the shadows that I wasn’t sure I was ever going to come out of it. Guess what? I am a shiny penny, and I am bursting with light. Things that used to upset me no longer do. I could be upset for making mistakes – the old me would have been in a pit of despair and self-loathing because I made an error that I probably cannot argue my way out of. Not anymore. Own it, evaluate why and what caused the error, learn, and move on.

I used to be frightened of new things and new people. Social situations made me uncomfortable. It’s a fantastic feeling to overcome those fears. Once I accepted the reasons for those fears – that I was not happy with myself – life got a lot better. Reinventing myself was the best thing that could have happened. I grew. I became confident. Having positive thoughts makes you feel good about yourself, and the better I feel, the more I can see it manifest itself in my physical appearance. I had a period in my life that I ate to compensate for the bad feelings. Food didn’t change this. The bad feelings were still there, and I felt even worse as I gained weight on top of everything else.

Be the person that makes you happy. You do not have to explain the reasoning for your choices. You need to please yourself first. Surround yourself with people who care about you, not what you can do for them, or that want to control you. Best advice? That thing that you think you can’t do? Give it a whirl. You might fail, but what if you succeed? The rush is incredible. Take a chance. Let someone see you for who you really are. If they are meant to be there, they will embrace all of you – quirks and all. Some of those quirks may be theirs. They may actually like things that you do. It doesn’t mean that you like the same of everything. It just means that your kind of crazy is also theirs.

Don’t overthink. Do. Love yourself. Chances are - someone else is going to love you too. Take care, my friends.

Until we meet again,

Angie

Only I can turn a Couch Potato Moment into a Life Debate

As I sit here on my couch debating whether or not I want to begin reading a new book, I have all these thoughts racing in my head. I am the product of years and years of issues, challenges, and the like. It shocks me that at 46 years old, I finally found my way back to me. Incredible. Granted, I still struggle – mostly with conflict and voicing my own opinion, but I get out there. I do things. I go places. I have friends. If I feel like being a silly ass, I will be a silly ass. If I want to sing in public, I will sing in public. If I get up on the bar and start dancing…well, by god, one of you better drag my drunk butt off the counter before I fall on my face!

Sometimes I feel like Sandy from Grease. All goody-two shoes, but then out comes the wild child. I have done a fantastic job of hiding her all of these years. She has always been there, right under the surface, screaming and clawing her way to the top. Which leads me to the person I am today. I am in control of my life. I have a few things that make me very happy, but I am not defined by those pieces. I am smart, I enjoy learning, making friends, taking chances, and have become well rounded. Take me or leave me.

I once had a dream that I was going to lose someone very precious to me, and I curled up – very small in a ball on the floor in that dream and I cried as if my heart were shattered. When I woke, I had tears streaming down my face and I was curled up tight in a ball on my bed. I feel strong emotions even as I sleep. Does that make me weak? No. I am emotional, I am passionate, and I don’t regret those feelings. I cry at sad movies, stories, and have even welled up over a few commercials. The positive, secure girl I can be would push away her doubts – but will the slightly insecure person ever truly leave me forever? And if that insecure girl ceases to exist, will I no longer feel emotions as strongly as I do?

I am going through a period of introspection. Nothing to be alarmed about, folks. I just want to be the best me that I can be. I accept (begrudgingly) that I can’t turn off emotions at times, and that my brain has its flights of fancy like anyone else. Yet, I trust. I love. I believe. I can’t sprint to the finish line. I need to ride the wave, reveling in the ebb and flow of it all. That’s my biggest problem. I tend to want everything right now. However, that being said, I know that I need to be persistent, as some things are truly worth the wait. So, stuck in the middle – between right now and someday. Isn't that a good place to be though?

Torn by who I am now, and who I want to be. Both one and the same person, but the person I want to be has ideas. Notions. Schemes even. She wants to write for a living, or teach, or the like. That girl wants to incorporate all of the best qualities she has into something great. The today Angie wants to meet future Angie right away. I know that I need to wait it out.  It gives the current me a chance to develop the skills I am best at – to learn, to grow, to let my confidence soar to new heights. I am going to reach that brass ring. Whatever I choose to become or explore or develop – it’s my choice. Those that support my decisions or encourage me to become better, more confident, more intelligent – those are the people I want to share my passions with.

Probably more of Angie’s brain than you really wanted to know about. Thank you all for listening to my rambles.

Until we meet again,

Angie

Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore

I have to say that this has been a year of change - excellent, fantastic, mind blowing change. As referencing the above title, a wondrous new world has been laid out in front of me. I have left behind the ordinary, and seek the extraordinary. Is there any other way to be?

I have felt like Dorothy so many times this year. My life, like a whirlwind, spun me around, and set me right smack in the middle of possibilities. I approach each new find with awe, respect, and wonder. I look at the new finds with childlike curiosity, realizing that yes - not only does it exist, but all I needed to do to have new experiences is to go get them. Make it happen. No longer am I content to sit on the sidelines and watch the world pass me by. I am no longer afraid.

The year is winding to a conclusion, and I am still thankful. I just had a marvelous Christmas. Remember, I have been around a few years- but I'd rank it highly among some of my fondest experiences. A special thanks to the entire Thomas family for making me feel welcome, and giving me a memory to treasure. Of course, love to my Mom for a fabulous time.  A singular thanks to Duffy Thomas for time spent together, among many other things. I went home with eyes all aglow, and a heart full of happiness.

One of the things that I will talk about in relation to Christmas is Christmas Eve. I got to do something this year that I haven't been able to in quite some time. Earlier in the afternoon, I went to a nice dinner with Duffy and his family, but that evening, I was invited to watch Christmas movies and drink eggnog. Doesn't sound like much, but to me, this is heaven. Bar none. We watched 2 movies, and drank eggnog by the fire. It was special to me.

So, I found my yellow brick road, and the Emerald City. I often think of myself as the Dorothy getting all glamoured up to see the Wizard. Once presented before him, I realize that to get my fondest desire, I need to defeat the Wicked Witch. In my case, the Wicked Witch is not an actual person. The Wicked Witch is years of self doubt, insecurity, and negative perceptions of myself. To overcome that, and achieve my fondest desires is like Dorothy killing the Wicked Witch. And much like Dorothy, there was an immense satisfaction watching my negativity melt away.

Returning to the Emerald City, I show the Wizard that I have defeated the Wicked Witch. I realize that the Wizard (some magical solution) does not exist. The Wizard is merely a man, as my efforts are merely hard work. Glinda the Good Witch reminds me that my heart's desire has been in me all along - there's no place like home. For my life, home represents that feeling inside me. Home is knowing that I had the power all along to make my life better, to take chances, to live to the fullest, to love, to dream - I am my own magic. So, when Dorothy wakes up, and realizes that all of her friends were there, and there is truly no place like home - I think that there is no better place to be than where I am right now. Watching my future unfold before me, my desires open like so many books, my heart seeking what I truly deserve - to love and be loved. To succeed, to climb the highest mountain, and all of those positive cliches I could reference here - that's what it's all about.

So what does 2015 hold? I don't know. I am okay with that. I know that once again,it's going to be a miraculous year. Happy Holidays to one and all.

Until we meet again-
Angie
(In honor of my Grandma - the Little Angel 0:) )

Above all else be thankful

It has been a little while since I wrote. It's not a bad thing - just a little unusual for me. I write for myself, but I like to share my literary passion.

Thanksgiving has come and gone, and we are rapidly approaching Christmas. I find that my thankfulness has not decreased. In fact, I think it has increased tenfold. I am very fortunate. I have so many people I love and care about and who love and care about me. I have a job. I have a place to live that's warm. I have a car, food, clothes to wear, have traveled this year to places I never expected to go, and so many more incredible things. I want for nothing.

In counting my blessings, I think of those who do not have even a portion of what I have. I make an extra effort this time of year to give to charity. Remember, it is not about the size of the gift. Whatever you have to share, whether it be monetary, or gently used clothing, or household things that you won't use, or non perishable food items, or even time - it can make someone's whole Christmas.

If you have ever participated in a toy drive, and seen the look on a child's face when they receive a toy, you know what I am talking about. It may be the only toy they get this year, and the child is thrilled. The parent of that child is also happy. Sometimes it may even move them to tears. And what do you get? You get the sheer unequivocal joy of knowing that you made a difference. You made that family's Christmas. Does it get any better than that?

To me, Christmas is magical. It always has been, and it always will be. Santa is not just for the smaller set. If you believe, wondrous things are all around us. It's a season of love, of giving. Christmas is the time to let the best of yourself shine. Some people are all about what they are going to get.  I find that my favorite part of Christmas is not what I receive. My favorite thing is what I give. When I find that perfect gift, that, in itself, is the reward. I have that desire to have the recipient open it, and think, wow, she really gets me. When you shift your focus in that manner, the holidays become so much more.

Down to 15 days until Christmas. Give where you can. Help those in need. Spend time with the people you love. That's what true Christmas magic is all about.

That, and words from a classic:

Charlie Brown: Isn't there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about?

Linus: Sure Charlie Brown, I can tell you what Christmas is all about. Lights please.

And there were in the same country shepherds, abiding in the field,

keeping watch over their flocks by night. And , lo, the angel of the 

Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round 

about them. And they were sore afraid, and the angel said unto 

them, "Fear not, for behold I bring you tidings of great joy, which

 shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of 

David, a savior, tis Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto

 you. You shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes lying in

 a manger." And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of

 the heavenly hosts, praising God and saying , " Glory to God in the

 highest, and on Earth, peace, and good will toward men."

That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown. 

Until we meet again, my friends-

Angie

I will think about it tomorrow - for tomorrow is another day

Yes, that is a shout out to one of my favorite movies - Gone With The Wind. I enjoyed when movies like this, or The Wizard of Oz were only played once a year. That's what made them magical. Now any child can own The Wizard of Oz, which to me is a bit sad. Where are the things that were events?
It is an unfortunate commentary on what the everyday world has become.

There are parts of technology I love. I won't deny it. I have the ability to communicate with anyone anywhere at any time. If you don't have the luxury of being with your family, or if you are in a long distance relationship, technology is what keeps it all afloat. Granted, face to face is the best, but if you like to organize your thoughts for a second, then you have the ability to text or messenger. Technology gives you that chance. If you have something that is thought out, you can send an email. Sometimes, you just need to hear that person's voice. Boom - a phone call! You also have Skype (and I really should go all 21st century and learn how to use it!) for those across the country face to face moments.

Yet with all that technology, you can choose to go rogue. My suggestion? Send a card, send a letter, send something that comes from you. We used to pass notes in school. Some of us may even have a note or two left from those times. Why did you keep it? You kept it because it touched you somehow, and by keeping the note, card, whatever - you kept a piece of that person. You can keep emails, but it just isn't the same. Times are changing. What we thought was sweet or romantic, our kids may think is a bit lame. The cool part is when they don't. If you put forth the effort, you can show them that romantic is more than physical. It is the words, the actions, the sweet gestures, and the ability to make someone laugh or smile. Romance is not dead, nor is chivalry. Personal experience tells me so.

So many choices. Options abound, but is this really a good thing? More choices means more chances for error, more things to be uncertain on. Is there really a need for that many flavors of chips? Salad dressing? You name it, I am sure there are very few products in this day and age that do not have a vast selection to choose from. With the massive varieties available, do we not reach the point of overkill? What if tomorrow you woke up, and were told that you can't get your Venti Mocha Frappuccino? All that we can hope to have is coffee, with cream and sugar. Would the world cease to turn? I'm betting no.

My point? Celebrate what you have. Don't lament what you do not. Vast amounts of choices still do not guarantee that you will make the right decision. Tell people that you love them and care about them. Don't let life pass you by, waiting for the right opportunity. You create your special moments. They do not have to be at a certain time or in a certain place. It will be special because you shared something from your heart, regardless of the surroundings. Allow yourself to trust, because this is a good feeling. When you've been hurt, you tend to build that barrier between yourself and the rest of the world. Once those walls come down, you are afraid of the vulnerability. It's okay. Not everyone is going to hurt you. You are something special - don't ever forget that.


With Thanksgiving coming up rapidly, be thankful every day. Smile- pick that happy thought, and run with it. I have a lot to be thankful for. I have wonderful people in my life who embrace every bit of crazy that I possess.  Life is very good.

I will leave you with that thought. Until we meet again, my friends.

Angie

Questions to ponder, musings to have

And a lovely Monday evening to all of my friends.

Now, just so you know, I am in the process of completing a short story. This will be shared once it is complete. I hope it turns out as well as the last one I shared. A good story is a joy to behold. Gives me goosebumps!

I came across this small box of questions, called a Chat Pack. I figured, what the heck? Let's take a few out for a spin, kick the tires, and let's see if anything rattles loose. I love listening to other people's stories. I have since I was a kid. So, to make this interesting, I will share a few questions, and my answers to such. If you so desire, go ahead and address the questions in the comments section. If that makes you uncomfortable, shoot me an email. I'd love to hear from you. I'm at romanticsoul68@yahoo.com.

The first one is: What is your favorite childhood memory?

Now as I see it, I define childhood as pre-teenager. I have many great teenage memories, some which are almost fit to print (almost!).

I'd have to say that my favorite childhood memories involve my Grandma Johnson. She was a heck of a lady - everyone called her Bill. Her real name was Doris, and she hated that so much. I spent many happy summers in Franklin Grove when they lived on a farm. I played with my cousins outdoors. Ah, back in the day when kids had to use their imaginations! We had many a creative tale of pirates, or princesses, or witches. We'd built forts, or pick wild asparagus, or lie under a tree. Games involved dress up, or a deck of cards, or possibly the chickens or sheep. A treat was a frozen Flavor Ice tube, or when they went for groceries, to buy one of those flavored pops from Aldi's - mostly grape or black cherry. Grandma Bill made doll clothes, so my Barbies were always well dressed. She also made the most wonderful stuffed animals. It was a real treat to get one for your birthday, or Christmas. I remember the most incredible bunnies I got once, because Easter came right after my birthday. I also remember a bit later in life that my Grandma made a stuffed lion for a certain gentleman for his birthday (let's just say the name is recognizable, and I hope that he gets a kick out of this if he reads it). That was more for my best friend to give the boy she had a crush on. She had the most amazing talent for crosswords and cryptograms - both were always done in pen. I share a love of cryptograms to this day. Thanks, Grandma!

 She was also a fantastic cook. Her Thanksgiving dinners made you want to eat until you exploded. At Christmas, the cookies, the candy...oh my goodness! She made so many for friends and family that she actually began making the dough in late summer and freezing it. This is why I help my mom bake cookies at Christmas - it's a little piece of my grandma that I carry with me. I miss her terribly. She was my confidant, and I think I get a bit of my personality from her.

Question #2 -What is the strangest thing that has ever happened to you?

Ok, I am a bit of a believer in the unexplained. I know, it sounds ridiculous. Maybe I want to believe that there are ways to communicate with those who have passed away. There are many things that have no logical explanation. I am not a kook. I will not preach the supernatural to you. However, this one time (at band camp,..no, that's not right)...I experienced something in a delirium that I cannot give you a rational justification for to this day. I was about 12 or 13. I was very ill with the flu, and running an extremely high fever (103+). My mom was quite concerned, as I was out of my head. I was so hot, yet could not get warm. She was worried as the fever did not seem to want to break. I would talk to her, but would not make a lot of sense. At one point, I got quiet. My mom asked me if I was ok. I was told I looked at her, and said, " Mom, I'm fine. Grandma Burrows is taking care of me."
Now, bear in mind, I had never met Grandma Burrows. She was my mom's grandma, and died when my mom was little. Shortly after this revelation, my fever broke, and I relaxed. When I was coherent, my mom told me what I had said, and I had no memory of it at all. Maybe sometimes there are greater forces at work after all?

And...question #3: What do you think is your best personality trait? Your greatest talent?

I am not one to brag myself up. It is one thing to be confident, and another to have a bit of humility and modesty. To address the question though, I think the best part of my personality is how much I care. I have a great deal of empathy for people. I have been gifted with a way of seeing myself in their shoes - often able to address their wants and needs. If we are friends, you have zero doubt that I care about you, and would go out of my way to help you if asked. When I admire you, compliment you, or wish you well - I mean it.

My greatest talent?
Well, folks - you read it as often as I post. I'd say that I write well. I am not conceited about it. I love to take words and twist and turn them, making that prose take the shape it was intended to to convey the appropriate feeling or emotion. Best feeling ever? When I am able to tell a story that captures your mind. I want to make you think. I want you to become part of the tale. When I create poetry, it  comes from that place in the depths of my soul. It may be painful, or full of love, or whatever emotion, and I let that creativity loose with free reign. Do I write from personal experience? Sometimes. When I do that, the description is often vivid enough for you to actually see the words become the illustration. Someday my friends...this will be what I am remembered for.

Thanks for humoring me. Chat Pack is a fun little game. Please share your answers, via comments or email. I'd really enjoy that.

Until we meet again,

Angie