The Snow Doesn't Give a Soft White Damn Whom It Touches

I felt a lot like Lorelei Gilmore this morning. As I took my walk at RVC, I could smell snow in the air. Silly concept, but dead on today.

We are experiencing the first snowfall of the year. People are being overly dramatic as to the amounts, which is said to be 6-10 inches by the time it is all said and done. So what? We live in the Midwest, kids. Snow is a given. Please learn how to drive in this. Don’t be a fool.

I have this giddy feeling inside with the snow. Driving home from the store was the best kind of beautiful. I think when you drive and the snow is coming at you, creating kind of a magical vision, it is an amazing thing. I also stood outside, watching the flakes fall around me, smiling at the whiteness enveloping my hair. Snow is something magnificent. I hope it covers every piece of ugliness out there, coating the ground with something pure. A clean slate, if you will.

I am snuggled up in my apartment, watching the snow fall out the patio door. The trees are already beginning to coat with their first fleece blanket of the year. I am looking forward to going out tomorrow and taking the first snowy pictures of the season. Last year, I went to Rock Cut, and the pictures I took made me smile.

Some facts I know about snow? How about this one: Snow is actually not white. The complex structure of snow crystals results in tiny surfaces from which light is reflected. What little sunlight is absorbed by snow is absorbed uniformly over the wavelengths of visible light, which gives snow its white appearance. Incredible, isn’t it? How about all snowflakes have 6 sides?

We can ski, sled, walk on snowshoes, ice skate, make snow angels, snowball fights….

We can be indoors with hot chocolate, hot toddies, hot apple cider, bake cookies, sit by the fireplace…

We can wear those warm snuggly sweaters, curl up with a blankie and a good book…

Hoodies, gloves, hats, winter coats with the Eskimo fur hoods…

If we are lucky, there might be someone to snuggle with.

Nothing, NOTHING is more magical that Christmas snow.

So, embrace it. Don’t hate it. Part of the four seasons. We must have snow for the rebirth of everything else. If you hate it, move. I choose to give snow a chance. I want to let out the little kid with the goofy grin and let her run free in it, coming in with wet mittens, and rosy cheeks.

 Until we meet again,

 Angie 

Watching the Leaves of Life Fall

Good evening all.

A little visit back to my roots - poetry. I hope you enjoy.

Colors engage my eyes,

Crisp air tickles my nose.

The aroma of apples tempts,

Pumpkin envelops all.

The cycle of life continues.

Beauty in change,                  

Holding the promise of rebirth.

Embracing the future,

Growing from the past.

Curling up

Knees to chest

Eyes closed.

Envisioning potential,

Bursting forth from neglect.

The little girl hides.

The grown up woman shows.

Little girl keeps the fears,

Knees to chest.

The woman shines.

She believes.

She dreams.

She loves.

Head up,little girl -

Hurt goes nowhere.

Fill the void.

There are words,

Thoughts,

Dreams.

Life is miraculous.

Come on, little girl-

Take my hand

I want to show you the world.

Shall we explore?

Little girl-

The grown woman wants to hug you,

To dry your tears.

The little girl keeps the questions

The grown woman is afraid to ask.

How will it end?

Only time will tell.

Until we meet again,

Angie

Peter Pan Syndrome

It’s been a while. I think it’s like riding a bike – I’ll just climb back on and go like hell.

My last post came from a difficult time. I lost a dear friend, and it shook me to my core. I wanted to shut off so I didn’t hurt. Actually, I had done that one other time in my life. At least with Robin, I knew it was coming. With Debbie, she just had a heart attack, and died. I turned off emotionally for a long time. I just didn’t care. It was way easier just not to deal, not to feel, not to care. I was completely numb. I didn’t realize it for a while. Finally, I broke through that shell – just in time to experience all the pain of my first marriage ending. Swell.

Fortunately, I recognize those parts now. Instead of shutting down, I pushed through. Now my mind is focused elsewhere. The title? I think maybe it’s time to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I don’t know that the “growing up” part is going to happen, but wanting to know what I can see myself doing with my life – that’s a big one. The desire to learn and grow has always been there for me. I am not one to sit still and just do a mind-numbing job for eternity.

 I have a good job. This is not said as a slam on my current employer, or my current position. It’s an extension of the explorer within me. Where can I go? What can I do? What limitations do I possess? I’m not sick, I have a great attitude, and learn easily. There are a thousand things rolling around in my head that I could do. What am I not going to do? I refuse to live with regret.

So, what does that mean? Honestly, it means a lot more thinking. Planning. I am at this crossroads for a reason. Where will it take me? I don’t know yet. I am looking to others for inspiration, and maybe watching their success will push me even further than I have ever dared possible. There’s a great big world out there. Waiting. Watching.

Pretty soon, I will spread my wings and soar with the eagles.

Until we meet again,

Angie

Ode To A Friend

It has been a very, very long couple of weeks. One of the people who I admired greatly and who was an incredible supporter for me passed away. I have only known Robin well for a few years, but she was one of those people that you never forget. I have known her since working at Blue Cross and we became better friends in the past 2 years.

Robin and I began the Customer Advocate Specialist position at the same time. We went through training together, and leaned on each other through the struggles of a new position. The days were long, the concepts sometimes difficult, but at the end of the day – I could count on her to have my back, as she did with me. I learned about her love for her family. It was a beautiful thing. I also knew that she was a no nonsense kind of gal. If she had a problem with you, you knew it. Straight shooter.

When I was going through some of the toughest times of my life,  Robin was my cheerleader. She was one of the people that made me realize that life is short. She gave me courage, and made me see that I am not a doormat. I needed to be appreciated and loved – and I needed to be with someone who knows that this is not something to take for granted. My ex-husband took me for granted, and made me feel like I was not worth the effort. I spent many nights at Blue Cross, talking through this with Robin because I didn’t want to go home. I was less than nothing in my mind then. Robin made me realize that to be cared about means that you know you are cared for. You show the other person you care.

Robin left Blue Cross right before my personal D day. I still called her the day I left him, and told her I was ok, and that I had finally done it. It was an incredible rush. There are still not enough words to thank any of the people who led me to where I am now.

I had been to Robin’s home to see her after she left Blue Cross, and she got progressively worse. I was angry with myself for not going to see her when I wanted to after I got back from my trip to Hawaii. Unfortunately, life gets in the way. When I was told that Robin was very bad, and it would not be long, it was one of the hardest things for me to cope with. It hit me that this wonderful person would no longer be the rock for others to lean on. I was able to go see her the Wednesday before she passed away. It was difficult, but I am glad I was able to see Robin one last time.

Talking with her is something I will miss. She gave me advice, shared wonderful stories of her family, told me about some of the trips they took, and let me know that I had a gift. Robin told me that I could make the ordinary beautiful. One of the things she liked most was the photos of my Sunday adventures. She let me know that I could truly help others see the beauty in what we look at every day.

My love and support to the members of her family.

To Robin herself: I miss you a lot, my friend. I will remember the lessons you taught me. I am grateful that I got to know you. When good things happen, I will think of you and smile. I know I have one incredible lady up there, looking down and cheering on my successes. Be at peace. No more pain.

Have a great 4th, my friends.

Angie

Saturday Walks and Music lead to Reminiscing

I think listening to music is putting me in touch with the inner demons. It’s crazy. It’s powerful.

I woke up on a rainy Saturday morning, and went for a walk. This is not unusual, other than I was forced to carry an umbrella. I’ve discovered in the course of many early morning neighborhood strolls that I need music. If I walk with another person, I’m fine. If I walk by myself, music is a requirement. I lose myself in the music, and that’s a good thing.

I’ll even age myself a bit – “We’ll go dancing in the dark, walking through the park and reminiscing.” Reminiscing can happen. It often depends on the song, the lyrics, and my mood. The combo of the three can make me remember good times or bad times. I can be emotional, and from time to time, music has moved me to tears. Again, not unusual. Heck, I can watch a commercial on television and be moved to tears. Even animated films that I know are not real have made me cry. Tears are good. We should never be ashamed to cry.

This morning’s memory was a moment I will always remember. I listened to the song “Just the Way You Are” by Bruno Mars. I was taken back to the performance on television in December of 2010, where he performed the song acoustically on the Grammy Nominations show. If you have never listened to it performed this way, I recommend it highly. I got the chills the first time, and I still do. Here's the link: Bruno Mars "Just The Way You Are"

You might think – It’s only a song. It is and it’s not. The lyrics are important.

Oh, her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shinin'
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying
She's so beautiful
And I tell her everyday
Yeah

I know, I know
When I compliment her she won't believe me
And it's so, it's so
Sad to think that she don't see what I see
But every time she asks me, "Do I look okay?"
I say,


When I see your face (face, face...)
There's not a thing that I would change
'Cause you're amazing (amazing)
Just the way you are (are)
And when you smile (smile, smile...)
The whole world stops and stares for a while
'Cause, girl, you're amazing (amazing)
Just the way you are (are).
Yeah

Her lips, her lips
I could kiss them all day if she'd let me
Her laugh, her laugh
She hates but I think it's so sexy
She's so beautiful
And I tell her everyday,

Oh you know, you know, you know
I'd never ask you to change
If perfect's what you're searching for
Then just stay the same
So don't even bother asking if you look okay
You know I'll say,


When I see your face (face, face...)
There's not a thing that I would change
'Cause you're amazing (amazing)
Just the way you are (are)
And when you smile (smile, smile...)
The whole world stops and stares for a while
'Cause, girl, you're amazing (amazing)
Just the way you are (are)

The way you are
The way you are
Girl, you're amazing (amazing)
Just the way you are (are)


When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
'Cause you're amazing (amazing)
Just the way you are (are)
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for a while
'Cause, girl, you're amazing
Just the way you are

Yeah

When I listened – really listened – I knew that my life would never be the same again. I have spent most of my adult life in the shadows of other people. I was just there. But to be amazing – was I? Was I more than just a mom, a wife (at the time), a daughter and so on? Accepting compliments was something I could never do. Now I blindly grasped the fact that I might be amazing. I might also be beautiful. There might actually be someone out there that thinks that about me, or could someday. Wow!

This was another turning point in becoming who I am today. I thought, I can really ask a guy if I look ok, and he could tell me I’m  amazing and he wouldn’t change a thing?  Guys can love the things you think are wrong with you? Am I awake, or is this Bizarro Rockford? I’d become accustomed to having flaws, or told I needed to lose weight, or I couldn’t possibly be right. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was able to see beyond the shell that I put there. You know what? I was amazing.

From that point, I moved forward. Now I am unstoppable. The best gift this year for my birthday (and a lot of stiff competition there) came in the form of words. I was told that I am beautiful.  I may not be perfect, may not be a size 6, and can be a little kooky occasionally – but I am 100% me.

All of you that play a part in my life are amazing. Just the way you are. I wouldn’t change a thing.

Enjoy your weekend,

Angie

The Purple Passion Pride Project

                                        A special hello to all of my friends. 

Sometimes you get an idea in your head that can't be easily removed. Today, that thought was of my grandmother, and her love of the color purple. Everywhere I looked, there seemed to be purple flowers smiling back at me. 

Then I decided not only was I feeling loved, but that I was wanting to share all of those good feelings with others. So naturally I decided to do a bit of research. What can I say? I can't help myself.
                                
 Purple's rarity in nature and the expense of creating the color 
gave purple a supernatural aura for centuries. Purple is the
most powerful wavelength of the rainbow. It is the most
powerful visible wavelength of electromagnetic energy.

Purple symbolizes magic, mystery, spirituality, the sub conscious, creativity, dignity and royalty. Appropriately on Memorial Day,the Purple Heart is the American award for bravery.                               

The flowers are from around the neighborhood and the toes - duh, purple! I smiled a lot, so I wanted to share an idea:

The Purple Passion Pride project!

My idea is that every single time that any of you see a purple flower over the next few months, you think of one thought. It can be something you have a great passion in life for: a job, a hobby, a person. It can be a passion, or a pride of yours. The point is to make you smile.

One smile creates a tiny flutter of happiness. That tiny flutter can grow into something bigger, causing that smile to grow and become contagious.  What will we do with a whole lot of happy people? Promote good will and good feelings!

See that purple flower as the day's inspiration. Share love, friendship, faith, confidence, pride with those that mean the most to you. It will spread like crazy.

I am the crazy optimistic nut who wants people to be happy. Guilty! If happy is a crime, then I should have a rubber room waiting for me. Life is a good thing, people! Don't get bogged down in the negativity. No matter how bad you think you have it - I guarantee that someone else has it worse than you.

I miss my grandma. In life, I'd say she is the person I related to the most. To her, I was always her little angel. In this small way, this project is in memoriam of her.

So, let's purple it up.
Smile, be passionate, and be proud.

Have an excellent week!

Angie

Kevin Cronin is a God

As I get closer to a year removed from a bad situation, it’s the little things I am reminded of most that stand out. I was walking today, and this song came on my IPod. Many things were the beginning of the end in my marriage, but this song sticks with me to this day. I bought an REO Speedwagon hits album, and this was one of the songs. It was all there – every negative thing I had in my mind, how I was being treated, and the total disregard for my feelings and opinions. A reminder that if I pretended he was right, I was clearly living with his misconceptions of how love should be. He had all these grandiose ideas of how life could be better, but was unwilling to change, or to listen. Well, Kevin Cronin…you are right. That ain’t love.

You tell me what you think I'm feelin'
You know why I do what I do
Why should you listen to a word I'm sayin'
When it's already so clear to you

You tell me 'bout my bad intentions
You doubt the very things I hold true
I can no longer live with your misconceptions
Baby, all I can say to you

That ain't love, I believe you've got the wrong emotion
That ain't love, at least it doesn't feel like love to me
As long as I say what you wanna hear
Do what you wanna do, be who you want me to be
You think that's love, well baby that ain't love to me

We've got to talk it over sometime
These feelings won't just disappear
I'm just gonna keep telling you what's on my mind
Even if it's not what you wanna hear

Ooh, right now your world and mine are such different places
Through yours I wander lost and confused
And I feel like I'm speaking in a different language
And the only words I haven't used, are

That ain't love, I believe you've got the wrong emotion
That ain't love, at least it doesn't feel like love to me
As long as I say what you wanna hear
Do what you wanna do, be who you want me to be
You think that's love, well baby that ain't love to me

You keep tellin' me, you know a place
Where your life would be better
You're makin' plans long-range
But I don't know how you expect to get there
When you refuse to change, yeah

Ooh baby, that ain't love, I believe you've got the wrong emotion
No baby, that ain't love, at least it doesn't feel like love to me
As long as I say what you wanna hear
Do what you wanna do, be who you want me to be
You think that's love, well baby that ain't love to me

Ooh baby that ain't love, that ain't lo-lo-love
That ain't love, oh no, baby that ain't love, that ain't love

That ain't love
That ain't love
That ain't love

So if these lyrics ring true to you, you deserve better. I know I deserved better. My opinion mattered. Love is accepting the person you are with, and not thinking that they need to be something they clearly are not. I am a unique individual, not a Stepford wife.

Do I like my life now? Hell yes. Figuring it out is all part of the grand scheme. Every day is a new adventure. Where am I going? I am enjoying the journey. I have a few thoughts on this subject of what will happen, but they are thoughts. I know a few things (and people) that are constants, but I want to give everything a chance to grow into the best it can be. I think I’m a grown up. Who’d of thought?

Enjoy your weekend.

Until we meet again, my friends.

Angie